


Aidan's Story (Brace For Impact Series)

by ESKcreative



Series: Brace For Impact Series [2]
Category: Aidan Turner - Fandom, Being Human (UK) RPF, Irish Actor RPF, Poldark (TV 2015) RPF
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Love, Slow Burn, Survival, alternate perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28262931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESKcreative/pseuds/ESKcreative
Summary: This is a collection of scenes from my fan fiction "Brace For Impact," re-written from Aidan's perspective.
Relationships: Aidan Turner/Original Female Character
Series: Brace For Impact Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074200
Comments: 201
Kudos: 94





	1. Saved

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT:  
> Please make sure you've already read [Brace For Impact](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775384/chapters/51957205) before you read this collection of scenes, or else they won't make much sense! 😉
> 
> I've been working on these next 11 chapters for quite a few weeks, and I'm so excited to finally share them with you! It's been so much fun to put into words the feelings I imagined Aidan's character to have throughout Brace For Impact, and I hope you enjoy these little glimpses of his story.

No one.

No one was alive.

The flames were roaring; so tall and scorching and hot. I could barely believe that so much fire was possible in the middle of the raging sea.

I stumbled down the narrow aisle, checking limp body after limp body, all lifeless in their seats. The heat wasn’t letting up. It was only getting closer. The flames had started at the back of the plane, but they were moving forward now. I could smell the burning. It smelled of fuel and plastic, and something else I couldn’t quite place.

And I didn’t want to. There were too many burning passengers I knew I’d never get to.

“CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?” I yelled, squinting into the smoke. But I could hardly hear my own voice over the roar of the burning yellow and blue. I felt completely numb from the inside out.

Miraculously, I wasn’t in any pain. But my mind hadn’t quite caught up to my reality. I’d been on my way to New Zealand; a routine flight I’d made multiple times before. The plane had gone down in the middle of the Pacific. An engine failure. Two engine failures.

And somehow, no one had survived, except for me.

I leaned in towards the seat to my right, focusing on a man who was slumped into his armrest. His eyes were open. They did not move. There was a large gash across his forehead

I sucked in a breath and backed away, quickly moving to the next row. Bloody faces. Broken noses. Empty eyes. The same scene presented itself over and over again. Everyone was unmoving. There were no signs of life. Blunt-force trauma had seemed to claim everyone.

My heart began to beat faster. Panic was finally beginning to creep in.

“ANYONE?” I bellowed, spinning around in circles. “CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?”

The fire was still loud and roaring in my ears, like muffled, engulfing static, as the water lapped against the side of the plane. I realized my feet were damp. Hesitantly, I looked down to see at least 5 centimeters of ocean water covering the floor.

I gulped, and then I took another step towards the back of the plane. The further I went, the hotter it became. My skin started to burn as I searched seat after seat, checking for pulses. The smoke was getting worse now too. I was having trouble breathing, coughing and wheezing for air. I was laser-focused and stuck in a fog at the same time. My body moved with some force that was automatic and adrenaline fueled.

Soon the plane would be fully engulfed, or fully submerged. I wasn’t sure which would come first, but I needed an exit strategy. I blinked and looked around as the floor rocked back and forth.

Alone in the middle of the ocean. Would I die here? Like everyone else?

I knew I had to search further. The flames were still a dozen or so meters away. I still had time. Just as badly as I didn’t want to be left alone, I didn’t want to leave anyone alone to die in the fire. So I pushed forward, squinting my eyes into the heat and smoke as I looked from side to side, checking the seats.

As the heat became almost unbearable, I saw a young woman on my left, collapsed forward with her head resting on her legs. She was unmoving and an abundance of bright red blood stained her face and hair.

I leaned in and placed my fingers against her neck, just under her jaw, as I’d done with the others. Except this time, there was a faint, sparse pulse there. I froze.

She was _alive_.

But maybe just barely. She wasn’t moving at all or responding to my presence in any way. _I_ was breathing hard now, though. A sense of hope flooded my nerves. I wasn’t alone after all. But this woman needed me. The flames were too close now. My skin stung violently. She would die without my help.

I leaned in and unbuckled her seatbelt, and then I slid my arms under her knees and around her small frame, lifting her from her seat.

Her body hung limp from my arms as I turned around and looked further down the aisle. The flames were mere rows away now, singeing everything in their path. I considered walking further, but the pain from the heat had quickly become excruciating.

I cursed and turned back to the front of the plane. I had no time to save anyone else. My exhausted muscles held tightly to the limp woman in my arms as I retreated up the aisle, squinting through the smoke in search of the emergency exit. I found it after just a few rows, with its large red handle, easy to spot.

And then I looked around again, trying to remember the safety instructions that had been dictated to us at the beginning of the flight. Something about a lifeboat. Where did they say the lifeboat was?

By chance, I looked up and saw a compartment that indicated it housed an inflatable raft, and I immediately set the woman down in an empty seat between two passengers who were no longer alive. I tried not to look at them. I yanked the overhead compartment open with a rushed force, and a bright yellow mess of plastic came falling down to the ground, inflating as it went. It was larger than I expected, filling the aisle on its side. I doubted it was supposed to have inflated immediately like that, and wondered if I could even get it out the door. I shoved it into the exit row and turned around once more to scan the plane. I had just a bit more time. And anything we could take with us might save our lives. The woman was still unconscious in her newly appointed seat, and so I shuffled down the aisle to her original row and pulled two suitcases from above, hoping that one of them was hers, and hopefully full of food and necessities.

I tossed them into the raft and then I scrambled back up to my row and yanked my bag down. As I turned back towards the exit, the plane began to tilt, and a large object hit me from behind. It was the metal meal cart, and I cursed at the pain that seared through the back of my ankles. But the cart was full of bottled water, and in a split second, I threw as many of them as I could into my bag and then ran back to the raft.

It was so hot now. I could barely believe the yellow plastic hadn’t begun to melt yet. I sloshed through the water on the ground and leaned over the boat, pulling on the red handle and pushing the door to the plane open. It released with a woosh, and even more water came crashing into the plane. It was fast and angry like the fire, but so much cooler, and when it finished its surge and began to retreat back out the door, it pulled the raft with it. I gasped and grabbed the handle of the raft just before it was claimed by the waves.

My heart was beating through my chest as the water equalized and I pushed the raft halfway through the door, so it was wedged tightly. And then I picked up the woman again and lifted her into the boat amongst the bags. I turned around one last time, questioning if there was anything else I could do, but I knew there was not. The flames had now reached the furthest row I’d been too, and so I pushed the boat the rest of the way through the door and jumped into it with a force that sent us away from the plane.

The waves did their work, lapping at the edges and pulling us further into the open sea. I shifted my bag under the head of the woman who lay almost lifeless next to me and then I turned back to the fiery mess that was once our plane. It was almost half submerged now, bright flames mingling with cool waters, and deep, black smoke spiraling into the sky as far as I could see.

Our distance from the burning metal increased quickly as the ocean did what it wanted with us, and I pulled my phone from my pocket, hopeful for a signal. But it was waterlogged. The screen flashed colors and shades of all kinds as it breathed its last breath.

The woman beside me was still unconscious. I placed my fingers under her jaw again. There was still a faint heartbeat. She seemed so fragile. And she looked to be younger than me too; maybe still in her twenties. Her eyes were closed so peacefully, like she was simply taking a nap. But the gash on her forehead was beginning to bruise badly, and her face was completely covered in blood.

Would she even ever wake up?

I laid my head on the edge of the raft, completely exhausted. And I touched her cheek gently. “Please hang in there.” I whispered. “I can’t do this alone.”

I searched the sky for planes and searched the horizon for ships. It was still midday, and the sun beat down hard on us, so I pulled a shirt from my bag and laid it gently across her face to block out the harmful rays. And then I let out a long breath and rested my chin on the side of the boat, watching our sinking plane and all the deceased passengers slowly disappear from view.


	2. Meet

_“Pleassseeee, promise me we’ll go to that Halloween party at Perch the night you get home. I can’t bear to miss it.” Jane clung to my arm, staring up at me through her long eyelashes as I waited to pass through security._

_I frowned. “It’s going to be a 15 hour flight. I don’t think I’ll have the energy afterwards.”_

_She laid her head on my shoulder and blinked sadly. “But, Meg and Courtney will be there…”_

_“Well, can’t you go with them then?” I zipped up my bag and tried to step away from her, but she held on even tighter in response._

_“But I want to go with youuuuuu…” She pleaded. “Don’t you want to go with me?_

_“Jane…” I sighed, looking her in the eye. “You know I like spending time with you, but honestly, the party sounds more like a chore to me.”_

_“I’m a chore to you?” Jane stepped away, offended._

_I set my jaw and glared at her. “That is_ not _what I said.”_

_“Come on, Aidan.” She pleaded again. “You used to be the life of the party. What happened? I miss the fun you.”_

_I looked up at one of the flight screens. My gate, D5, was almost about to begin boarding. “Yeah but, I’m kinda over it… But look, I have to go.”_

_“Ugh…fine.” She groaned, and then looked at me pointedly. “But I’ll have you know,_ I’m _going to that party.”_

_“And I’m sure you’ll have a marvelous time.” I replied simply. “And I’m sure I’ll be home whenever you return that night.”_

_She glared at me and crossed her arms. “Aidan…” She paused, disapproval in her eyes. “You’re just not the same person you were when I met you.”_

_I slung my bag over my shoulder and blinked at her for a moment. “And neither are you.”_

_She didn’t say anything._

_I sighed. “I really have to go. I’ll miss my flight.”_

_She dropped her hands to her sides and looked at the floor, defeated._

_I placed my hand on her shoulder and leaned in, kissing her cheek. “Well talk about it when I return.”_

_She shrugged and looked up at me. “Call me when you land?”_

_“Of course.” I smiled lightly. And then I turned and left her standing all alone in the bustling lobby of Los Angeles International Airport._

***

I cradled my forehead in my hands as I sat on the soft white sand under the shade of a stray palm tree. My unconscious companion lay next to me under the shade of a larger one. She was still breathing. Her heart was still beating. But those were the only signs of life she showed.

We’d floated in our raft for so many hours; an expanse of time that seemed to never end. Eventually the thick black smoke of the plane had disappeared from the horizon and we were alone, with nothing but blue sea and the fading light of the sun around us. I’d fallen in and out of sleep, especially as the dark of night fell and the waves lulled me gently. My sense of time had grown fuzzy. But one instance when I opened my eyes, the large waves no longer rocked the boat, and with complete shock, I realized that we’d washed up on land.

In the first few moments, I rejoiced, thinking that maybe we’d landed on a South Pacific tourist island, and maybe a resort or a small village would be just beyond the trees, but my hopes were quickly squashed. The entire island was barely a kilometer wide, filled with nothing but trees and sand and rocks.

It was a better prospect than our raft was in the middle of the sea, but I swiftly realized there probably wasn’t enough food or water here to sustain us for more than a few days. Not easily, at least.

I was especially worried about the young woman who was fighting for her life next to me. It had been at least twenty-four hours now since the crash, and the bruise on her forehead had become much deeper. I wondered if she’d suffered a concussion she would never recover from. In the first moments after I’d found her, I’d been so hopeful. But now, I feared she would just die anyway and leave me alone. I’d fought so hard to make it off that boat to save the two of us. But if she didn’t make it, would I even still have the motivation to save myself?

I thought about Jane. She was probably a mess right now. When she’d seen me off at the airport, things had been tense. We’d been in a fight about a trivial disagreement, but now I regretted the way I’d left things, wondering if maybe I’d never see her again.

In truth, I was beginning to see a breakup in our future. She was beginning to wear down my nerves, and it was obvious that our lives were headed in very different directions, but I never meant to leave her this way, putting an end to “us” with so many unanswered questions. I never intended to leave her without closure.

Mid-thought, I was pulled back to reality as I sensed movement in my peripheral. My head shot up and I saw the young woman trying to sit up. Her eyes were half open as she grimaced and brought her hand to her forehead.

“Whoa, hang on. Don’t sit up yet.” I scooted towards her quickly as she lowered her head back to the ground. “That’s right. Just don’t move too much yet.”

She furrowed her brow for a few seconds, and then she opened her eyes to squint into the daylight. They darted across the palm leaves above us before coming rest on my own.

“How are you feeling?” I asked tentatively. There was a relief washing over me at the sight of her awake and alive.

She pulled her eyebrows together and winced. “My head hurts.”

“Yes, you hit it quite hard.” I replied gently.

She was looking at me curiously, as if her mind was slow to comprehend my presence. She was silent for a moment, and then, gradually, her eyes widened in shock. “You’re Aidan Turner.”

_Ah, she knows me._ I smiled just slightly. It was a compliment to be recognized, even in our current situation.

“Yes, I am. Do you need some water?” I reached for my bag.

“But…” Her voice was breathless. “You’re…Aidan Turner.”

She clearly knew me more than just a little, if she was this fixated on my identity. Her innocent shock was endearing. I couldn’t help but smile again, feeling strangely flattered. The sensation surprised me, because I usually hated to be recognized. And I was just so excited she was alive not to grin.

“Well, at least one of us is acquainted with the other.” I smirked. “Here, let me help you take a drink. You’re dehydrated.” I placed my hand gently under her head and lifted a bottle of water to her lips. She drank long gulps, almost draining the bottle. But I held my tongue while I thought about how few we had left.

When it was almost empty, she shifted and tried to sit up again.

“Hang on, let me help you.” I took her arm and assisted her as she pulled herself up against the tree. She was completely silent, just staring at me, still wide-eyed. She hadn’t even scanned our surroundings yet. I began to wonder if maybe she had hit her head _too_ hard.

“What’s your name?” I asked, trying to help the conversation along.

“I’m Colette.” She replied quietly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Colette.” I reached out my hand to hers. It was small and delicate, and warm with life.

“Why are you…? What…happened? Where am I?” She still hadn’t taken her dazed eyes off me.

“Well, I can answer the first two questions, but not the third. Do you remember the plane going down?” I was so happy she was actually speaking.

I watched the memories dawn on her as she finally looked around at the sand and trees. “Where is everyone?”

I blinked at her for a moment, realizing I could be giving her some devastating news if she’d been onboard with a friend or family member. I took a deep breath. “Were you traveling with anyone or were you alone?”

“Alone.” She replied with hesitation.

I was relieved to hear it, but devastated all the same. “We were the only survivors.”

It seemed like she didn’t understand me for a moment while she stared blankly at me, but then she brought her hand to her mouth. “Are you sure?”

Shifting my gaze to the water, I thought about all the lifeless bodies I’d mourned. “Yes. I checked.” I looked back at Colette, who was very much awake now. “You were the only one with a pulse. But I wasn’t even sure you’d ever wake up.”

There was a terror in her eyes now, and I felt guilty for placing so much on her all at once. It was a lot to take in. I moved closer to her. “It was really bad. You probably have a concussion. I honestly don’t know how we survived.”

While her eyes had scanned the beach briefly, they were now back on me without waver. She blinked quickly. “How…?”

“Pure luck, I think.” I sighed.

“How did we get here?”

“The lifeboat.” I pointed towards it nearby.

“I don’t remember the boat.”

“You were unconscious when I put you on it.” I replied quietly, remembering the ordeal so clearly.

She swallowed as she stared at me with awe. “Thank you.”

I was more grateful than she even knew. I watched her with a heavy appreciation in my chest. “Thank _you_ for surviving, and not leaving me alone out here.”

***

“How’s your head feeling?” I asked a while later, after returning to Colette, empty-handed from my coconut search.

“I’m ok. But your face. You look like you almost need stitches. You should probably get that bandaged up.” She watched me with concern.

My face still stung where the gash along my eye was. I hadn’t seen it yet, but when I touched it with my hand, I could feel that it was deep. “Oh, it’s not that bad.” I waved her off, trying not to worry her.

“I think it really is.” She replied, pulling a small tube out of her makeup bag. “Here, I’ve got some ointment.” She held it towards me.

As much as I wanted to ignore my injury and pretend it wasn’t there, she was probably right. An infection could be deadly. So I took it from her. “Thanks.” I said, dabbing a small amount onto my finger. And then I paused for a moment. I couldn’t even see my own face, and I didn’t know how the stuff worked. I looked up at Colette. “How much do I…?”

She grinned. “Do you want me to?”

I relaxed and passed the tube back to her. “Yes, could you?”

I knelt down in front of her and she scooted across the sand until she was intimately close to me. I watched her eyes as she studied my face. They were almost the color of the ocean, bright and full of life. They were extraordinarily beautiful But they didn’t linger on mine for very long. I could tell she was still nervous in my presence.

“Did you wash this out yet?” She asked quietly.

“Yes, a few hours ago.” I blinked at her, waiting for her eyes to land on mine again. But instead, she reached up and brushed my hair away from my cheek. Her touch was gentle and soft, but her fingers shook slightly. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, even as she avoided mine.

“So, you’re fully embracing the Ross Poldark character then?” She asked with a grin.

I blinked at her briefly, trying to understand her meaning, but then I remembered the false scar that had been painted on the left side of my face day after day on set. She was right. This real injury matched it almost perfectly.

“I suppose so.” I chuckled.

With the most tender care, she dabbed the ointment onto my wound. It stung a little, but I didn’t mind. And then she tore a shirt into strips and tied it around my head to keep it clean.

“Alright. It’ll scar if you don’t get stitches soon, but that’s as good as we can do for now.” She looked fairly proud of her work.

I smiled. “Help will come soon. Thank you, Colette.”

In response, she bit her lip and turned away quickly. I continued to smile at the side of her head. Her bashfulness was still getting the best of her, and it made her all the more human to me. Even though I’d just met her mere hours ago, I was even more grateful that I’d saved her life.


	3. Rotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you've all been enjoying these scenes so far! You're comments are the best! Thank you!
> 
> We skip forward a few weeks with this one. They've just almost kissed for the first time, but Aidan had pulled away, remembering his attachment to Jane, and Colette left into the woods to drink her rotten coconut...

I should have kissed her.

I slid slowly down the boulder, folding myself to the ground and resting my head in my hand.

I wanted to kiss her. _Oh, did I want to kiss her…_

After spending so many weeks alone with Colette, which felt like months, my feelings grew in a way I’d never expected. I could easily see that she was one of the kindest, most genuine souls I’d ever meet. She was selfless in a way I barely knew was possible. She was strong, fighting past her weakness for the both of us. But she was so gentle and sweet, almost to a fault, when she couldn’t bear to speak her mind. It was endlessly endearing on her. And beyond all those things, she was beautiful. She was gorgeous on the outside, but also had a natural, deeper beauty that touched her eyes when she smiled, and shined its brightest when she spoke about something she loved.

My feelings for her had creeped in so slowly, catching me off guard. And what shook me the most was that she was nothing like Jane. If Jane had a perfect opposite, Colette would be her. It took me a moment to really _see_ her, because the “Jane” model of a woman was all I’d ever considered until now. Women like Jane were all I’d known. But my feelings for Colette were finally recognizable, and more than anything, I wanted to act on them.

But regretfully, I was still tied to Jane. Every time I considered a move towards Colette, I imagined Jane in LA, heartbroken at my presumed death. And then when I imagined finding my way home, I pictured the pain in her eyes when she’d find out I’d been unfaithful. It was a scenario that sent guilt coursing through me already. But at the same time, just minutes ago, I’d seen the pain in Colette’s eyes too. The pain that I’d caused her when I’d pulled away.

I grimaced and shook my head. It was an impossible situation. Whichever choice I made, I’d look like an jerk to someone. But just moments ago, when I _could_ stop myself, I knew I had to remain true to Jane…just long enough to make it home and break with her for real. Then I could seek out Colette again with a clear conscience, if she’d still have me.

It wasn’t the easy choice. But it was the respectful choice; to myself, to Jane, and to Colette.

***

That night, I was awoken from my sleep to the sound of Colette scrambling out of our shelter out onto the beach. Her movements were quick and troubled as I opened my groggy eyes, trying to comprehend what was happening.

“Colette?” I murmured, sitting up slowly.

But she was already gone. I got to my feet and rubbed my eyes, stepping out into the still and dark night. And then I saw her, doubled over and emptying her stomach onto the sand.

I sucked in a nervous breath and rushed over to her, touching her back and pulling her hair away from her face. “Colette…God, are you ok?” I peered at her with concern.

She coughed and wiped her mouth, gasping for air. “I don’t know…”

She continued to heave, even when there was nothing left for her to throw up. I rubbed her back gently, watching her apprehensively. She was so violently ill so quickly that I could barely imagine what had caused it.

She met my gaze from the corner of her eye. “I think I drank a bad coconut.”

“Oh? How long ago was that?” My heartrate slowed just a bit, hoping that something as simple as a bad coconut would run its course quickly.

She stood up and leaned into me as we backed away from the mess on the ground. “A few hours.”

“Hmm…maybe it’ll pass. Let’s get you back to rest.” I guided her back to our cave and helped lower her to the ground.

“I need to sit…” She moaned. “I can’t lay down.”

“That’s ok, do whatever you need.” My voice was uneasy as I sat down next to her.

“Man, what was in that coconut?” She held her stomach and leaned her head back against the wall, taking heavy breaths.

“Nothing good, it seems.” I pursed my lips. “Is there anything I can do?”

She shook her head.

“You should drink.” I decided, stepping out of the shelter and retrieving a bottle of rainwater. I knew dehydration would be unavoidable if she didn’t replenish her body with more liquids. She was already malnourished to begin with.

When I handed it to her, she frowned, but I pushed it forward, telling her that she needed it. After a moment of hesitation, she took a small sip, paused, and then grimaced. Her hand flew back up to her mouth and she stumbled out of the cave again.

I got up and followed outside to see her small, helpless figure was doubled over again in the sand.

“You don’t have to watch this…” She croaked, shaking her head.

I stepped towards her. “It’s just like you said, we’re a team, Colette. I’m not just going to leave you out here all alone puking your guts out.”

She sank to the ground and leaned against the smooth trunk of a palm tree, closing her eyes and swallowing with visible difficultly. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

I knelt down next to her sympathetically. I didn’t care that I was up in the middle of the night. I couldn’t leave her alone. “Please don’t apologize.”

She moaned again and grasped her stomach. “This is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.” Her half-shut eyes met mine without really focusing. Even in the dim moonlight, her face was white with nausea.

“Maybe it would help if you walked?” I suggested, frowning.

She nodded and grimaced, taking my hand and allowing me to pull her to her feet. We began to walk slowly towards the shore. Her grip was weak on my arm, and her body shook slightly, pressed into mine. She’d been so strong when she was slowly starving to death, but tonight, she seemed broken and helpless. I swallowed nervously as we walked.

“This is so stupid…” She groaned. “I was so stupid to have drank that without checking first. I was just lying on the ground. It wasn’t fresh.”

“You didn’t know.” I was supporting almost her full weight now. “Have you had food poisoning before?”

“Yes, but not like this – owww…” She was beginning to double over again, folding over into her agony. “It feels like someone is trying to tear out my guts.”

I pulled my brows together. “Is walking helping the pain at all?”

She came to a complete stop next to me and leaned into my shoulder, wrapping her arm around herself and shivering again. “Not really…are you cold? I’m cold?”

It was an unseasonably warm night. I turned to her and touched her forehead with my free hand. Her skin was on fire.

“Jeez, Colette, you’re burning up.” I was laser-focused on her now. Nausea was one thing, but a fever was frightening. A high fever could be dangerous without medical attention.

She shifted her weight and began to sway slightly. Words came from her mouth, slowly and almost slurred. “I think I need to lay down.”

I took her hand immediately and pulled her back to the shelter. “Ok, let’s try that.”

When we were back in the cave and she was laying down, I knelt next to her, watching her closely and feeling completely powerless to help her.

“You don’t have to stay with me…” She frowned, avoiding my gaze.

I could tell that even through her pain, she still felt embarrassed, and the last thing I desired was to make her feel even more uncomfortable, so I reluctantly shifted to stand up. “I don’t want you to feel alone in this, but maybe you’d like to get some sleep…I’ll, uh…” I looked around, trying to figure out what I could busy myself with. “I’ll work on the fire.” I turned to leave, but gave her one last glance. “Call if you need me, I’ll be right outside.” I paused as I gazed at her contorted expression. “I really do hope you feel better soon.”

She tried to smile, but it was such a sad attempt that I had to turn again and leave before my fear got the best of me.

***

Hours later, Colette was awake again. She’d tried just mere sips of water, but she couldn’t even keep those down.

I wrapped my black jacket around her shivering shoulders as she leaned over the sand again. She was unsteady on her feet, swaying as she looked up at me helplessly. Her teeth still chattered, and every few words a groan escaped her lips, as if the pain was too great for her to conceal.

She was not improving.

She was getting worse.

“Aidan…” It was barely above a whisper from her lips. “I don’t feel well.” She reached a hand forward as if trying to steady herself on anything she could grasp. “…I don’t know what’s wrong…I don’t…” And her lips grew even paler and she began falling forwards.

“Colette-” I caught her against my chest.

Her eyes closed, and her muscles went limp. I shifted her in my arms. “Colette, can you hear me?”

Nothing.

My heart was beating fast in my ears. I slid one arm under her legs and the other around her back as I lifted her and brought her back to our cave.

Her hair, damp with fever was plastered across her forehead, so I brushed it away gently once she was laying down.

“Colette…can you hear me?” I repeated, looking from her closed eyes to her mouth, checking for any signs of response. But she was completely still, other than her chest rising and falling heavily.

As I stared at her, my adrenaline kicked in, but I didn’t know what to do. She was so weak. Her body was in distress. Did she have enough strength to fight? I put my hand to her forehead. She was so hot.

I leaned against the cave wall and let my head fall back against the smooth rock. More than anything, I wished that I could fight for her. Seeing her in pain was harder than having to deal with it myself.

The hours went by, and I continued to watch her, checking her forehead, trying to decide if her fever was too high. She’d begun to toss and turn, alternating between shivering and sweating, and all I could do was stroke her cheek and her arm.

The prospect of her symptoms continuing to get worse was horrifying to me. The longer I sat silently watching her, the more I realized how deeply important she was to me. Losing her would be an unbearable reality.

She felt hotter now, and so I took a shirt to the shore, dipped it in the cool water, and then brough it back to the shelter. Colette was still unconscious, with her arms wrapped around herself, shivering and breathing irregularly.

“Colette…can you hear me?” I placed the wet shirt on her forehead gently.

She winced and tried to turn her head away. It was a real reaction. It gave me hope.

“You’re getting too hot. I’m sorry. I have to keep you cool.” I whispered.

She opened her bloodshot eyes just barely, squinting up at me with exhaustion.

I touched my hand to her cheek. “Can you hear me?”

Her response was faint mumble, and then she closed her eyes and grimaced again.

I rubbed her shoulder gently. “Just keep fighting this. It’s gonna pass…It’s gonna pass…” I didn’t know if my words were true, but I knew I had to say them, for her sake and for mine.

She opened her eyes again for just a moment, and I saw hope there. She was fighting this as hard as she could, and all I could do was wait.

“I’m right here, Colette. I’ll be right here.” I whispered, taking her hand in mine and resting my head against the wall as I watched her fall back asleep.

***

I was beside myself with worry.

I imagined watching Colette take her last breaths. I imagined the feel of her cool skin if the blood no longer pumped through her veins. I imagined burying her lifeless body in the sand. I imagined being alone. I imagined being _without her_.

I imagined these things ad nauseum until I couldn’t imagine anymore, and my eyelids grew unbearably heavy. And then I fell asleep.

But almost as if instantaneous, I felt a touch on my arm and my eyes flew open, focusing on Colette. She blinked at me, breathing evenly and calmly. I sat forward quickly. “Colette…how are you feeling?” I touched her forehead, which was cool, and breathed a sigh of relief. “Your fever broke…”

I leaned back against the wall and wiped my hand across my brow. “My goodness, Colette, you had me so worried.”

She watched me with sadness, and then she began to try and sit up too.

I touched her arm. “Hang on, are you sure you can sit?”

She nodded and pulled herself up, leaning against the wall. “Yes, I’m feeling much better now.”

“Do you feel nauseous? Are you in pain?” I asked quickly, studying her intently. My anxiety hadn’t waned yet.

“Not at all. That’s all gone.” She smiled at me, and I finally felt a bit of relief wash over me.

I felt a knot form in my throat as I watched her. Not until the last 24 hours did I realized how afraid I’d been to lose her. All day and all night, I’d preemptively mourned the loss of a future with her in it. What remained was a future more grim than I ever considered before. Even if I’d make it off the island alone, it would be wasted without Colette there with me. She was part of my life now. I was beginning to realize I didn’t want that to change.

We were both so fragile. One wrong move and death could be just around the next corner. The future barely mattered now. All that we could claim to control was the _now_. It was suddenly clear to me.

“You were not well.” I breathed nervously. “Do you remember any of yesterday?”

She furrowed her brow. “I remember…throwing up…and I remember the pain…and I remember you. I’m so sorry I worried you.”

My anxiety spiked again as the memories flooded in. “You were tossing and turning, breathing hard, not responsive…” I looked down at my lap. “I wasn’t sure…I didn’t know if maybe you were getting worse…”

She leaned forward and looked up at me, smiling encouragingly. “But I didn’t. I’m here, I’m ok. I’m better. Thank you so much for taking care of me.”

I wanted to touch her. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me, and how stupid I’d been to not realize it before. I wanted to envelop her in my arms. I wanted to kiss her.

But I didn’t. Not until later that day when we walked together on the beach, and I took her hands in mine and told her the truth. And it turned out, telling her the truth was the easiest, most natural thing I’d done yet.

It was genuine. It was terrifying. It was perfect.


	4. Argue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene takes place a few days after Aidan and Colette ALMOST sleep together for the first time, but they decide to be more careful.

Restraining myself from Colette was one of my hardest tasks yet, since stepping foot on the island. There was a primal part of me that just wanted to be near her, pressed against her, skin to skin, free from the fear of the unknown.

Each time she walked out to the shore, I watched the curve of her hips sway. Each time she breathed deeply as she laid next to me, I watched the swell of her chest, like it was straining at her shirt, aching to be touched.

And once, I did, and her skin was as soft and sweet as I’d imagined. I’d felt her heartbeat increase under my hands, and I’d loved knowing that I’d done that to her.

But she’d stopped me, and I was painfully and regrettably glad she did. It wasn’t the time to test fate. She’d narrowly escaped so many other ailments already, and pregnancy would be more dangerous than the rest.

I knew that if something like that happened, I would blame myself completely. I wasn’t blind to see how her body reacted in my touch. And I wasn’t blind to see how deeply she cared about my happiness either. I couldn’t let myself take advantage of that. She may have stopped me the once, but her demeanor told me that she might not have the strength to do it again.

When she’d pushed me away, I’d seen the fear in her eyes, and as a man, I knew I could never fully understand the dread of an unwanted pregnancy, especially in these circumstances.

In reality, we were both so weak, completely at the mercy of each other’s self-control. So, since that night, I’d kept my distance, out of respect for her, and because it was the only way I knew for sure that I could restrain myself.

This morning, I took a walk on the beach, thinking about rescue and what it might look like for us. It would mean telling Jane what had happened. I didn’t look forward to that conversation. But it would mean that Colette would finally be safe. There was nothing I wanted more than that.

I rounded the large set of boulders and found her laying on her back atop one of them. Her eyes were closed, and the wind had blown her shirt up her stomach, enticing me by exposing the smooth, sun-kissed skin there.

She was so peaceful, and I smiled, but I made my way over to her. “Working hard, or hardly working?”

She jumped and sat up quickly, adjusting her shirt and blinking at me. I grinned and sat down next to her, kissing her quickly and resting my hand on her back.

She frowned and looked back out at the waves. “There is literally, like, none of that seaweed left…”

“Hmmm…” I squinted into the shallow waters. “Well, we still have other things to eat at least. We can look again when maybe it’s grown back.”

“I suppose so…” She sighed, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them into her chest. She didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Is anything else the matter?” I asked.

She looked at me, and her eyes darted back and forth between mine, like she was considering her words, but then she blinked and frowned again. “How have you been these past few days?”

“I’ve been perfectly fine.” I responded.

She raised her eyebrow. “Nothing on your mind?”

I watched her with confusion. Something on _my_ mind? It was she who seemed preoccupied. “Colette, are you sure nothing is the matter?”

I thought she might resist again, but she took a deep breath, and I could tell she was about to lay something big on me. I braced myself for whatever she had on her mind, but as she began to speak, I was distracted by something small and shiny far off in the distant sky.

“Well, it’s been a few days since we talked about…” She began.

“A plane…” My heart had stopped. “A plane…” I began to stand up, eyes locked on the speck in the sky.

Her eyes widened and she turned to look too.

“A plane, Colette, A PLANE!” I stumbled off the rock and ran towards the pile of firewood.

Colette jumped into action too, following me as I went.

“Get anything you can find! Throw it on the fire!” I yelled, tossing dry leaves into the flames.

I kept looking towards the sky. The plane was still headed in our direction. The heat was immense, coming from the bonfire we’d created, and we both stepped back, beathing heavily and watching the plane in silence. The sky was so bright already this morning, I wondered if the light was even noticeable.

_I had to be_. Flames on an uninhabited island? Surely they would see us. We’d be safe and warm back in civilization by this time tomorrow. I knew it.

But then, the silver wings banked, and the plane changed its course, just like last time. Within seconds, it disappeared into the clouds, and it was gone. Another chance, lost.

I swore loudly into the wind, clenching my fists angrily at my sides. “Two planes in a WHOLE month. What kind of dead zone are we in?”

Another chance at safety, and I’d blown it again. The rage and frustration boiled up within me and I eyed a basket of coconuts nearby. I kicked it with my bare foot. It hurt. It made me even more angry. So I grabbed one of the coconuts and hurled it as far as I could into the ocean. “Why are they not flying directly overhead!!?”

Colette was nearby taming the fire silently.

“We’re never going to get off of this godforsaken island.” I snarled, sinking to the sand. What was next? Another storm? A drought? Would we freeze or burn to death? I didn’t want to watch her suffer again. It hurt like hell to be so close to rescue, and then have it ripped away so quickly.

“We will someday.” Colette replied quietly, picking up the coconuts I’d disturbed.

“Not like this we won’t.” I snapped. “Not if they don’t fly directly overhead to see us!” I pointed at the sky in disgust and then ran my hands down my face and through my hair. “God, we can’t be stuck here forever together…” I let my head fall to my knees.

There was a pause, and then Colette responded, monotone. “I’m sure there are many people you’d rather be seeing back at home than me…”

My head shot up and I glared at her. “What?”

She looked down at the basket in her hands. “I’m sure you’re eager to get back and make sure Jane is ok. The longer you’re here, the further away from you she’ll grow.”

_What?_ I stared at her in disbelief, and my voice ran cold. “You can’t be serious. You know that’s not why I want us to get rescued, Colette.”

She breathed slowly, but she didn’t make eye contact. “You’ve never been able to really end things with her, maybe you’d like to get back and make sure you really want that door closed.”

“What are you even talking about?” I snarled at her from my spot on the ground. “Why would you think that?” I was angry now. She was being completely ridiculous. Surely she knew me better than _that_.

She slammed the basket onto the ground and clenched her own fists. Her eyes narrowed as she looked right at me, breathing hard. “Oh, I don’t know Aidan, maybe because you’ve barely touched me since that conversation we had…DAYS AGO.”

I stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. _I’d barely touched her?_ That wasn’t true. I loved to be close to her. I’d never stopped kissing her, hugging her, and holding her. Since our conversation about pregnancy, which I assumed she was referring to, I’d only stopped letting things go further. She was angry with me for that?

She raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Yeah, that’s right, I noticed…” And then she let out a long breath and turned from me, walking away, and disappearing into the trees.

I sat on the ground, stunned by our exchange. What had just happened? One minute, we were talking about our next meal, and the next, we were flagging down a plane that could have been our rescue. And now, she was suddenly accusing me of wanting to return home only to see Jane?

I shook my head and let it fall to my hands. _Why_ did she think that? I’d tried so hard to show her that Jane was no longer on my mind. It was obvious to me how much deeper I felt for Colette. There was almost no comparison. Jane had been a hobby. Colette was my life. She was all that mattered to me anymore.

For a long few moments, I sat silently in the sand, wondering what I’d done wrong. I furrowed my brow. I’d done _nothing_ wrong. If Colette didn’t believe me now, then that was one hundred percent her fault.

I looked towards the trees where she’d gone, and then I set my jaw and stood up. We needed to talk. 

She was quietly sitting on a log when I found her. She looked up at me and then closed her eyes, not speaking.

I crunched through the branches and came to stop in front of her, waiting patiently for her to look at me.

When she finally did, I spoke. “Colette…my reason for wanting to leave this island has nothing to do with Jane. You must know that.”

She held my gaze, but she didn’t respond. Her jaw was set too.

“I’ve told you, she’s in my past now.” I continued, trying to keep my voice even as I towered over her small figure. “It’s over with her. I don’t know why you still can’t see that.”

She blinked at me slowly, and then I thought I noticed her bottom lip tremble. She opened her mouth to speak barely a whisper. “But how could I see that?”

“How could you not?” I breathed carefully, trying not to let my frustrations burst out. “I don’t understand. You said just then that I haven’t touched you lately, but I’m confused. I’ve done nothing but express my feelings for you over these last few weeks. I can’t even remember ever bringing up her name. Why are you still lingering on that?”

She watched me for a moment with sorrow in her eyes. “Can you not see?”

“See what?” I threw my arms in the air, beyond confused.

Now I could definitely see her lower lip start to tremble, and then she closed her eyes and tears overflowed down onto her cheeks. “I don’t know…I’m sorry…”

I blinked, and my demeanor softened immediately. I hated to see her cry. “Colette…” I sat down next to her quickly. “Look, I’m not angry with you. I’m just on edge right now. Please, tell me what’s the matter.”

She opened her eyes, which were now red with sadness and distress. They met mine with reluctance. “Everything is just a disaster… We’re stuck on this dumb island, and you don’t even want to be here with me…”

I must have heard her wrong. “Hang on, what?” I sat up straighter. “When did I say that?”

She sniffled. “You said…you said you didn’t want to be stuck here forever…together.”

“Did I say that?” I blinked in confusion, trying to remember, and then my heart dropped. _I did._ “Ugh, I didn’t mean it that way, Colette, I was shattered back there. I wasn’t thinking clearly. What I meant was that because we were both here…as in, you were here, I wished I could do anything in my power to get you home safe, even if it meant me staying here alone.”

There was bewilderment in her gaze as she watched me. But I understood completely now. I understood how she’d heard it.

“I’m sorry it was taken the wrong way. That’s my fault.” Guilt washed over me.

“Oh.” She replied, wiping a tear away and looking down at her lap.

I moved closer to her. “Colette…look at me.”

With painful slowness, she raised her eyes to mine again, but another tear dropped down her cheek. She was even more doubtful than I’d thought.

I placed my hands on the sides of her face with the gentlest care, and I wiped her tears away with my thumbs. “You still don’t believe me.”

I could tell she wanted to look away, but she held my gaze. “I want to.”

I dropped my hands down to hers and held them tightly. She was a challenge, but I somehow appreciated her even more for it. “I know you may never fully believe me until we leave this island…if…we leave this island. But, please tell me what I can do to ease your worries a bit.”

Her hands trembled in mine, and I knew she still didn’t know how to respond, so I continued. “You said I’ve barely touched you lately…but I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

Her expression changed, almost as if she didn’t understand my words, or like she couldn’t believe I’d said them.

I sighed. “Look, I know you feel like I’m keeping some big secret from you, but you’re going to have to tell me what I’m doing wrong here.” I paused. “Because I’m at a loss.”

Finally, she took a deep breath and faced me squarely. “You remember the conversation we had last week about…boundaries?”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you remember what I said about…” She gulped. “…not losing all control, but just a _bit_ of control?”

“Yes…” I answered slowly. Was this about more than just affection?

“Well…the thing is…you’ve not lost one bit of control since then, and…” Her eyes pleaded with me. “…Please don’t make me keep explaining this…”

I tilted my head sympathetically at her nervousness, and squeezed her hand to show her I understood. “That’s what you meant by saying I hadn’t touched you?”

She nodded and a blush creeped into her cheeks.

I ran my hand down my face. “Wow, well that plan backfired…”

Colette; my sweet, quiet, shy Colette missed my touch in a way I wasn’t expecting. But I was delusional to have thought I was the only one struggling.

I smiled and took her hands in mine again. “Colette…” I beamed at her. “Don’t you for one second think that I’m not wanting to be touching you…” I laughed. “That is the furthest thing from the truth.”

She was studying me silently still.

I sighed again. “The reason I took a step back after our talk was because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

She finally opened her mouth. “Why did you think that would make me uncomfortable?”

Some of her hair fell down onto her forehead and I gently brushed it away, appreciating her more than ever now. “You seemed quite concerned about the risks of our intimacy, which I don’t blame you for, and I wanted to make sure you felt like I was respecting those risks.”

Her shoulders dropped as she took in my words. I could tell she hadn’t been expecting them at all.

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly. “I hadn’t realized this was affecting you so much. In perfect honesty, I was just trying to be respectful.”

She opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “But…then, what did you think I meant by ‘losing a _bit_ of control?’”

“I don’t know…” I smirked, wishing I could read her mind to see where her thoughts had gone. “But, apparently not what you were thinking.”

“Oh, God…” She covered her face with her hands and started to stand up.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her back down next to me, laughing. “Colette, hey, come here.”

She sat down and stared at her lap again, refusing to make eye contact. She was breathing harder now. Not out of anger, but embarrassment this time.

“Hey…” I gently placed my finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to mine. I was flattered, and quite giddy knowing she’d been so desperately thinking of me that way. And I was becoming regretful that I hadn’t delivered. But I smirked. “I can assure you that my mind would have been in the same place as yours, had I let it go there, but you’re so quiet and reserved. I thought you were content with sticking around first base for a bit. So, that’s where I stayed.”

Her cheeks flushed pink. “Am I that hard to read?”

I watched her affectionately. “Well, we’ve only known each other for a month and a half, so yes, I’m still learning.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She sighed “But it feels like so much longer…”

“It does…” I agreed. “Time moves differently when you’re alone with just one other person, learning about only them.”

She bit her lip and looked back down at her lap. But she quickly lifted her gaze mine again. “I’m a bit mortified that my mind was in a place you weren’t expecting from me.” Then she closed her eyes. “I don’t know what you must think of me…”

I had to bite my tongue to stop from laughing. I took her shoulders and waited until she looked at me again. “I’ll tell you what I think of you.” I grinned. “Knowing you were thinking of those things has got me feeling a certain way, and maybe I’ve underestimated you.”

Just the tiniest, slyest smirk crossed her face. “Maybe you have…”

It was enough to send jolts of anxiousness through my nerves, and I leaned in and kissed her firmly, lingering my lips on hers for a long moment.

“It seems we need to do a better job of communicating.” I smiled once I pulled back.

She grinned and her eyes finally twinkled again like they once had. “We’ll have to work on it.”


	5. Nurture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a leg injury, folks... 😉😳

The smooth, cool water slid past me as I dove into the sea, weaving between jagged pink coral and swaying green plants. Small schools of fish scattered around me, playing their own games of survival. I enjoyed their company, but I ignored them for the most part as I searched for the larger fish that I usually caught for dinner.

Colette was waiting for me at the fire, keeping it under control while the threat of the drought was still an issue.

I came to the surface and looked back towards the beach. It was an exceptionally bright, sunny day, and the green trees and white sand stood out magnificently against the turquoise blue waters. I smiled, thinking about the joy that would show on Colette’s face when I returned with my catch. There were already a few silvery fish flopping around in the basket that I’d tethered to my wrist.

We’d eat well tonight, and then we’d lay down together in the sand, watching the stars in the perfectly clear sky. I’d run my fingers down the curve of her waist; her impossibly soft skin would feel warm against mine…

I blinked and remembered my task at hand. I surely wouldn’t catch anything if I let my mind wander too far from my chore. So I dove back in, spear in hand, searching for the flashes of silver that indicated our dinner.

There was a plump opportunity just a few meters away, perfectly still and staring back at me. I pulled my arm back and poised myself to shove my spear through the water, but just as I did, the fish skittered away and out of sight.

I let out a frustrated breath of bubbles and pushed off the bottom to propel myself back to the surface. But as I slid up through water, I felt a sudden, shocking, searing pain in my calf.

I broke the surface, sputtering and coughing for air, and reached my hand down to touch my leg, but before I even got the chance, I noticed that the water around me had turned a pale pink color.

I gasped as my hand reached my leg, and then my heart dropped. The skin that was once smooth, was now torn up in a way that I didn’t even want to investigate.

My mouth grew dry and I felt the telltale signs of a cold, nauseous sweat on my brow. The shoreline was a far distance away, and as I squinted at it, my senses began to return after the initial shock, and the pain in my leg grew tenfold. I groaned and began to swim towards land, pulling the basket of fish behind me. It tugged against the current, creating an obvious lag.

Breathing heavily, I pushed myself forward, straining through the excruciating pain as the corners of my vision began to close in. I was losing blood, _fast_. I could feel it. My body began to tingle, and my strength was draining at an alarming speed. The basket of fish was quickly becoming too much to tow, so I swore through my teeth and released it from my wrist, letting it bob away on its own.

Staying above water was becoming a challenge, and I coughed Colette’s name as I struggled towards shore. But I knew she couldn’t hear me. The sea was loud, and I was sure she was far away tending to the fire.

I blinked slowly as my vision tunneld even more, and swam with every last ounce of effort until my feet touched sand. I stumbled up onto the beach and fell to ground with a thud behind a large boulder, clutching my leg.

“ARGHHHAHHH.” I moaned. I couldn’t even verbalize her name anymore. All I could do was yell with my last bit of energy, hoping she would hear me. I blinked up at the blue sky and then squinted my eyes closed as I held my leg, laying helplessly in the sand.

“Oh my God…what happened?!” I heard her before I saw her, and a wave of relief washed over me, coupled with a fear of what she might see.

“UGH…ARGHHH…caught on…the coral…” I groaned, clutching my leg tightly.

“Aidan…move your hands. Let me see.” Her voice was tense and concerned as she attempted to pry her fingers underneath mine, trying to see the injury.

I was so thankful she was here, but I couldn’t even open my eyes to look at her. I couldn’t bear to see her terrified expression, and the pain and nausea were preventing me from focusing on the reality around me anymore.

When I finally moved my hands, the searing pain grew even more, and I felt the blood rush further from my head.

“Ok, ok, put your hands back. Hold it tightly.” She gasped and shoved my hands back towards my leg.

I finally squinted my eyes open just the slightest and saw her, all wavy and out of focus, kneeling next to me, staring down at my leg in horror and then towards my face with wide eyes.

“A belt, Aidan, do you have a belt?” Her voice shook.

I furrowed my brow, trying to remember through my pain. “My…UGHHH….my bag…in my bag…”

Her fingers touched my bare shoulder. “Ok, hang on. Hang on…I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

I turned my head and laid it against the cool, wet sand as she left. My mouth was dry, and my moans were coming quieter now. It felt as though someone had stuck a red hot, jagged knife into my leg and twisted it around to their heart’s content. I held the wound as tightly as I could, but I felt the energy leaving my muscles quickly. I was surrounded by a pool of my own blood and I knew it wasn’t going to stop easily.

This wasn’t a minor cut. This was an emergency room kind of injury. If I were back in Dublin, I’d be on my way to hospital, first in line to be tended to. I’d lost so much blood already, I hardly knew if my body would be able to compensate.

It felt like my heart was in my leg, thumping loudly. The sound of the ocean waves was beginning to become fuzzy and muffled in my ears, and I couldn’t feel my fingers.

But just as quickly as she’d left, Colette was back, on her knees next to me and wrapping something constricting around my leg. I winced at the new source of pain.

“I know, I know…” Here voice was sweet and gentle next to my ear. “But we have to stop the bleeding.”

I looked up at her face, which was silhouetted by the bright sun. I continued to have trouble focusing on her. The agony from the pain was fading as my consciousness wavered.

She was holding a bunched-up shirt in front of me. “Bite down on this.”

I stared at her for a moment, wide-eyed, trying to comprehend, and then I saw the needle and thread in her hand.

As much as I couldn’t believe what she was about to do, I knew we didn’t have any other options, so I took the shirt in my cold, numb fingers and stuffed it into my mouth.

“Ok, hold still.” Colette said, and then I felt a new new stab of pain.

“UGHH…” I moaned, subconsciously twitching away from her. The tiny needle hurt somehow hurt much more than I’d expected. I bit down harder on the shirt.

“I know, I’m sorry. But you have to hold still.” Her voice was gentle.

I balled my fists and breathed heavily as she continued. Each stab and pull hurt more than the last, but I stayed as still as I could, trying not to worry her any more than she was already.

After a few moments, she sat back. “Ok, I’m done…”

I opened my eyes and peered up at her. She was so beautiful. Strangely, it was the only thought that came to my mind. I was starting to become delirious in my mind as my body went into shock from loss of blood. I pulled the shirt from my mouth and handed it to her. She tore it into strips and wrapped it around the wound, and then she released the belt around my leg.

I was unprepared for the new wave of pain that resulted from the blood rushing back to my leg, and I groaned loudly, squeezing my eyes shut and pressing my fists into the ground.

“How are you doing?” Colette asked, brushing the sweaty hair from my forehead

I didn’t open my eyes. “How bad is it?”

“You’re going to be ok…” She said quietly. “Let’s get you up onto the shore and out of the water.”

She looped her small arms under mine and attempted to pull me towards her. I pushed with my hands and my uninjured leg, helping her as much as I could.

When she’d leaned me against a boulder, I squinted out at the sea. “The fish…the basket…it’s still out there…I have to…” Colette still had to eat. I couldn’t let her starve because of my mistake.

I tried to stand up, but Colette held my shoulder firmly. “No, you’re not going back out there right now. You lost too much blood. You need to rest.”

“But the basket…” I was becoming lightheaded again. Sitting up was doing me no good.

“It’s gone, Aidan.” She said gently. “But that’s ok…we’ll get more fish and I’ll make another basket.”

I leaned my head back against the solid rock, furious at my own stupidity. I’d swam among the coral for weeks. I knew how sharp it was. I’d been so careless today.

Colette sat in front of me, watching me with concern. Her hair blew in the breeze. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but my arms wouldn’t move.

I was suddenly cold. The chilled sweat on my skin sent shivers down my arms.

“We should really get you back to the fire if we can, but I want you to sit and rest here for a bit. Are you cold?” Colette asked.

I closed my eyes again and nodded. The pain was overcoming me once more. I began to shiver. It was a constant cycle of cold, pain, numbness, and then cold again.

“Ok, hang on, I’ll be right back.” She left twice more, retrieving my jacket, which didn’t help my warmth at all, and then the lifeboat. I could feel my brain starting to shut down. Nothing made sense anymore. The waves sounded like cars rushing by on the busy streets of a city like New York, and the heat of the bright sun actually felt cold against my skin.

I felt Colette’s delicate hands, looping under my arms again.

“What…are you doing?” I spoke in a mumble, barely able to stay awake.

“I’m going to drag you back up shore.” I heard the boldness in her voice.

“Colette…” I responded in barely a whisper. She was actually trying to lift me into the inflated boat. I knew how small she was and how big I was. I had no energy left to give. She’d never be able to do it on her own. I’d have to stay here, to heal here, or to…

“I’m getting you up there somehow…and this is the best idea I’ve got.” She was defiant.

I was in the middle of the city street now. Cars rushed back and forth past me. Bright lights blinded me through my closed eyelids. Colette was there, pulling me with her. Snow fell around us, and I shivered.

“Ok, here we go.” Her soft, encouraging voice flowed into my ears like slow, sweet molasses. I pressed my good foot into the ground, yielding to her pull and moving myself in her direction. And then the pain in my leg seized again and I came back to reality. But before I had a chance to meet her gaze again, I lost consciousness completely.

***

Hours passed. Days passed? I wasn’t sure.

Colette never left my side. I was in and out of sleep, but each time I woke, she was there. She sat next to me, she laid beside me, or she rested her head on my chest. Knowing that she would always be there when I woke up gave me a _reason_ to fight to _always_ wake up.

My body struggled. I continued to shiver, my leg was in constant excruciating pain, and I could barely lift my head without becoming faint or nauseous. I didn’t think I could feel any worse, until Colette cleaned my wound with the bright blue mouthwash.

The pain was unlike anything I’d ever experienced up until that point. I saw stars in my eyelids, and thought for sure that I’d pass out from the ordeal. But the gash was finally clean, and a part of me rested easier, knowing that infection was no longer a threat.

Another day passed and I was finally able to sit up and even walk a bit. Colette brought me food and water. She kept me warm at night and cool during the day. She cleaned my wound with the gentlest care. Eventually, she caught fish on her own. She left into that vast sea full of sharp coral, dangerous creatures, and unpredictable currents. I hated every second that first day she was gone, worrying that she might not return, and I was helpless to do anything about it.

The next morning, while she was away gathering coconuts, I counted the tick marks on our cave wall. I remembered the day our plane went down in October, and doing the math, today was December 25th.

I frowned. What a way to celebrate Christmas, stuck on an island, terrified, injured, and alone. But then I thought about Colette and how precious she’d been to me the last few days. Other than my own Mam, no one else had ever nurtured me so sweetly. But there was something extra in Colette’s touch. There was a different feeling there; a sense of trust, of admiration, of tenderness, and of belonging. She fit in the crook of my arm like she was made to be there. She looked at me like I was the only person who mattered to her. And maybe now, while we were alone on this small island, I _was_. But part of me hoped that maybe she’d still look at me that way even if we weren’t so alone.

She deserved more than I could ever give her, but I decided that morning that I would try my best.

While she was away, I picked through our stockpile of wood and found a smooth, firm piece that had an interesting grain. And then I began to carve.

It took me over an hour, but I managed to finish the small, carved heart and wrap it in a red scrap of fabric, tied with a palm leaf, all before she returned.

I sat with it behind my back, warm in my hands as I watched her emerge from the trees with a suitcase full of coconuts.

“Looks like you had some luck today?” I grinned.

She wiped her forearm across her forehead and turned to me. “What’s with that face?” She raised her eyebrow and laughed.

“Come ‘ere.” I nodded at the spot in front of me.

She blinked and started to come towards me, but she couldn’t help but grin curiously. “What’s going on?”

“Just sit down.” I laughed.

She slowly sat down and crossed her legs. There was a quizzical look on her face as she studied me for answers.

“Ok, hold out your hands and close your eyes.” I encouraged her.

She eyed me cautiously.

“Just do it.” I laughed, loving how cute she was in this innocent moment.

Reluctantly, she closed her eyes and placed her palms out.

After I gazed at her for a few extra seconds, I gently set the wrapped heart in her hands. “Ok, you can open your eyes.”

She looked down at the red fabric and studied it for a moment, holding it with the utmost care already, before she even understood its meaning.

“What’s this?” She looked up at me.

I grinned. “So, I’ve been counting the ticks on our cave wall, and doing the math…” My smile grew. “It turns out…I think today is Christmas.”

The realization dawned on her face all at once and her jaw dropped just slightly as she gazed at me.

“So, Merry Christmas…” I added.

After just a pause, she leaned in and kissed me gently. She still hadn’t said anything, and when she pulled back and continued to stare at me in awe, I had to speak up.

“Well, aren’t ya gonna open it up?” I laughed.

She looked down at the gift. “Oh, yes, of course…”

She slowly unwrapped it, revealing the smooth wooden heart, and then she touched the edges and curves in slow motion.

“I know, it’s not much, and it’s kind of childish and silly, but…” I began, feeling a bit embarrassed by my ‘craft project.’

“It’s perfect.” She breathed, beaming at me and then throwing her arms around my neck in an embrace. “Thank you…”

I pressed my lips to her cheek. “I had a lot of time to myself, so I’ve been perfecting my whittling skills.” I laughed. “No idea what you’ll do with it.”

She leaned back and held the heart to her chest tightly. “I’ll save it forever…”

I smiled at her. She was so utterly beautiful, I could barely take it.

But then she frowned and laughed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything.”

I touched my hand to hers. “You being here is the best present you could give me.”

She took a deep breath and then leaned into me again, kissing me tenderly. “Merry Christmas, Aidan.”

I smiled into her lips. “Merry Christmas, Colette.”

***

A few days later, we sat by the flickering fire, watching the sun set below the horizon. I’d healed considerably from my accident, and could walk now with just a slight limp. Fears of infection were now a thing of the past, and we were able to enjoy the simple pleasures of our quiet life again.

“Beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Colette mused.

She rested her weight on her hands behind her as she gazed out at the stars. The gentle breeze blew through her long hair, and her chest rose and fell evenly and quietly.

“Mhmm.” I replied. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

She turned to meet my gaze and smirked. “I’m talking about the sky.”

“I’m not.” I replied simply, still looking straight at her.

She bashfully looked back at the fire, trying to hide her grin. Her innocent sweetness had the same effect on me every time I wanted to pick her up and hold her in my arms. But instead, I stood up and extended my hand to her.

“Dance with me…”

She barely hesitated, placing her soft hand in mine and allowing me to pull her up from the ground. It’d been so long since we’d danced together, but more than anything, I wanted her close to me tonight.

I led her away from the fire and pulled her into me gently, trailing my fingers down her spine.

“It’s been a while, can you remind me how?” She looked up at me with her big eyes.

“No counting…” I answered softly, not wanting to think; only wanting to feel. “…Just dance with me.”

She studied me for a moment, and then she turned her head and laid it on my chest. I began to slowly sway to an imaginary tune, and she moved along with me as if she knew it too. I pressed my lips into the top of her head and closed my eyes, wishing I could stop time, but also wishing it would go on forever.

“I’d like to spend eternity, right here in this moment, with you…” I whispered.

“I could live with that.” I heard the smile in her voice.

I knew that the things I felt for her were so different, so much more profound than anything I’d felt before. It was a surprise to me even to realize my feelings had grown so much, but the clarity in my mind was undeniable.

“You’re the reason I wake up every day, and my favorite part about going to sleep, knowing you’re right there next to me, safe.” I continued, moving my mouth down to her neck and kissing the delicate skin there.

She wrapped her arms tighter around me, pulling herself into my embrace.

I rested my chin on her head and looked out at the sea. “When that plane went down, months ago, I knew my life would be turned upside down, but I had no idea what that would mean, and never dreamed that this would be the outcome.” I paused. “You’re everything to me now, Colette.”

She pulled her head from under my chin and looked up at me silently. A strand of hair blew across her face and I gently tucked it behind her ear.

“We’ve weathered our fair share of ups and downs on this journey, but my heart has only traveled in one direction; towards you.” I wanted to smile, but the thoughts in my mind were too emotional for me to do anything but blink tenderly at her.

I rested my hand gently on the side of her face. “I love you.”

A second of shock flashed across her face and was quickly replaced by the most tender of gazes. She whispered back to me in the smallest, sweetest voice. “I love you too.”

They were the purest words I’d ever heard, so true and meaningful from her lips, and in that moment, I felt closer to her than any of the moments that proceeded it.

I pulled her into my chest again and closed my eyes. I loved her, she loved me, and she was happy and safe in my arms. There was nothing sweeter than those three truths. And I knew, right then and there, that resisting the inevitable was no longer an option. After so much wrong had happened, we both knew exactly what would be perfectly _right_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am purposely not writing the major kissing and sex scenes from his perspective. I think there is something special about hearing those things only from Colette ❤


	6. Rescued

Soft, sparkling waves lapped at the smooth, sandy shore. The sky was like a watercolor painting, slowly coming to life; all pinks and purples and oranges as the sun rose above the horizon. A gentle breeze blew through Colette’s hair as she laid in my arms. I intertwined my fingers with hers, memorizing every angle and curve and the way her soft skin felt against mine.

It was the perfect morning; more beautiful and serene than many of the others we’d endured. We were both probably the healthiest we’d been since the day we landed on the island. And so today, with only each other to call home, and the uncertainties of our future less terrifying, we were actually at peace.

Colette’s chest rose and fall with a happy sigh.

I smiled and kissed her hair. “What’s on your mind, love?”

She tilted her head and beamed at me. “You.”

I squeezed her hand and smirked. “What about me has got you sighing like that?”

“I’m just happy to be here with you, in this moment. I don’t want it to end.” She laid her head on my chest.

I let go of her hand and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her impossibly close. “Well, we’re all alone on this island. We have all the time in the world to lay just like this.”

I felt her soft lips touch my jaw and then she nestled her head into my neck. I loved it when she did that. Her form fit so perfectly into mine.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, running my fingers down her back. “It’s bizarre. I feel like I’ve known you for years, not months.”

Her lips touched my neck. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“It’s like, time passes more slowly here, but not in a bad way. I love how slow it feels. It’s like I’ve gotten to know you on such a deeper level, without any distractions.” I took a relaxed breath.

Colette gazed at me again. Her eyes were so sweet, filled with emotion as she was deep in thought. “Sometimes, I wonder where I’d be if that plane had never gone down…”

I blinked contentedly as she pondered. And then I smirked, considering exactly where she would likely be, had she never met me. “You’d probably be watching Poldark.” I winked, finding it quite amusing to pick on her previous fixation with me and my roles. She was cute when I got her to squirm a bit.

She grinned and rolled her eyes, and then pressed her lips into my shoulder. “You’re probably right.”

I contemplated my own probability. “I can tell you this about me: I’d be a lot less happy than I am now.” My smile turned to a frown. “I was heading for exhaustion; completely wearing myself thin. This life is much better suited for me, I’m finding.”

Colette watched me thoughtfully. There was a profound care in her eyes whenever she looked at me, and it was even more pronounced in this moment. “I love you…” She kissed me gently. “And I love us…” She took my hand again. “And I love this place.” She gazed out at the sea.

I swallowed the emotions that overcame me while I watched the silhouette of her face admire the sunrise. She was so tender and so sincere. I could barely believe what I’d done to earn her in my life. Only the greatest men earned women like her. I hardly thought I was deserving.

When she looked back at me, I met her eyes with affection. “I love you very much, Colette.”

She laid her head down again and gazed towards the ocean. I pressed my face into her hair, wanting nothing more than her happiness and her sweet, soft self, wrapped in my arms. She was everything to me. In the life we lived now, she was my one friend, my one love, and my only reason to exist.

I looked out at the sun, which had now almost fully crossed above the horizon. The colors were brighter now, greeting us with the promise of a new day. I loved the way the sea met the sky in an infinite line that led to faraway places that didn’t even know we were here.

But something broke the horizon this morning that wasn’t usually there. A tiny white speck moved slowly across the line.

I stopped breathing.

My brain stalled, trying to comprehend what I was seeing. But at the same time, I knew exactly what it was.

Colette had turned rigid in my arms and I knew she’d seen it too. I hesitated. I was frozen. I’d imagined the prospect of seeing a boat so many times in my imagination, but now that it was reality, I barely knew what to do. In some, unexpected way, its presence was almost an inconvenience to our quiet morning.

But after a few more breathless seconds, I regained control of my body, gripping Colette’s arms and pulling her up to sit. The words came in a shocked breath from my mouth. “Oh my God.”

There was another drawn-out silence from both of us. Neither of us knew what to do. When I’d fantasized about this moment, we’d been hollering and celebrating, running around the beach. But it was playing out so differently.

“The fire…” Colette finally said, barely audibly.

At her words, I came to my senses and cursed myself for not reacting sooner. I jumped up and spun around, clutching my head and attempting to throw myself into action. The fire was small this morning. I met Colette’s wide-eyed gaze and pointed at our stockpile of branches. “Quick, help me light these. I think it’s dark enough still that we can signal to them.”

She stared at me in awe, and then she looked back at the boat. I sensed her hesitation before she jumped up too and began to light some of the palm fronds. I had a bunch lit in my own hands, and I ran to the water’s edge, waving them above my head.

“They’ve got to see us.” I breathed. “Come on…come on…”

I recognized the tiny spec as a sailboat now, with its white sails catching high in the wind. It charted its journey across the horizon, reflecting the bright orange sun on its shiny masts.

Colette and I stood, both shocked, barefoot in the sand as we waved our fiery branches in the air, hoping for a favorable outcome.

_But which outcome?_ I asked myself. Safety? Happiness? _Were they the same thing?_

Much more quickly than I expected, the tiny sail caught the wind and the boat changed direction. It cut through the water, turning left on course to us.

My heart stopped. “They’ve seen us…”

No response.

“They’ve seen us, Colette….”

I looked over at her. She was gazing up at me with a thousand emotions in her eyes. I saw elation, reluctance, disbelief, and fear all there. I felt them all inside myself too. This was the moment. The moment when everything changed. Nothing would ever be the same again, not even like the lives we’d led before the crash. The routines we’d followed when we were apart, and the routines we’d built together on this island were all dust now, blown away in the wind that powered the sail on that boat.

I took a step towards Colette and extended my hand. She placed her fingers in mine as she stared up at me. She looked smaller now. How tiny would she be in the big world out there? Her life would forever be changed. There would be expectations. She’d never known fame. She’d never known me. But even without me, she had that fame now. The world would no longer treat her like a number, free to fall into the shadows. We were a story set to be put under a microscope. The media would feast on us if we weren’t careful.

I looked back out at the water as I held her hand firmly. I wouldn’t let it go. She was my responsibility now. I’d protected her here, and I’d protect her out there.

The boat grew closer, and soon I could see two men standing at the bow, squinting at us as they came.

I slowly let my burning branch fall into the water that lapped at my feet. It hit with a sizzle, sending smoke up around us before it sank to the bottom.

The boat stopped in the deeper water and one of the men lowered a much smaller boat into the water and climbed in, powering up the tiny engine.

As he skidded through the water towards us, I looped my arm around Colette’s waist, pulling her closer. She dropped her branch and grasped the back of my shirt, leaning into me.

As easily as this man could be our rescue, he could also be dangerous, and I felt my chest instinctively puff out as he approached. It was the oddest sensation to see another human being again. We’d seen just each other for so long. The man wore a white t-shirt and trousers, with silver sunglasses and greying hair. He didn’t appear as a threat, and so I relaxed my stance a bit.

He called out to us when he was close enough. “You look like you might need some help?” His Australian accent was strong.

I held Colette tighter as I replied back across the water. “Yes. We’re survivors of a plane crash. We’ve been stranded here for three and a half months.”

The man squinted at us silently, clearly confused by what I’d said.

“We were on a flight from LA to Auckland. The engines failed. It went down. We drifted here.” I added.

As his boat came into contact with the sandy bottom of the ocean, he stood up slowly. “Flight NZ19?”

I hesitated and looked at Colette. I had no idea what our flight number had been. She shrugged too. 

The man stepped out of his boat and walked towards us slowly, studying our appearances closely. I was sure our states of dress and general appearances were enough to convince him that we were telling the truth.

“Flight NZ19 that went down back in October?” He repeated, shock filling his expression.

“Yes, October.” I confirmed. “We were the only survivors as far as we could tell.”

The man brought his hand to his mouth. “My God…” He looked at the island around us. “You’ve been here all alone this whole time?”

I nodded. I knew how unbelievable it must have looked to an outsider like him. But to Colette and I, it was reality. It was life. It was _us_.

The man continued to stare at us with awe. “Well, it was a good thing you had the fire to flag me down. No one barely comes near this island anymore. There’s not much here…”

He was more right than he knew. “Where is ‘here,’ exactly?” I asked.

“French Polynesia, King George Islands. Tikei island specifically. You’re about 73 kilometers, or about six hours with a strong wind from the nearest inhabited island, Takaroa.” The man replied.

I looked out at the ocean. 73 kilometers. We were even further away from civilization than I’d thought. I was immediately grateful that we never attempted to leave the island. We never would have made it.

“Takaroa is actually where we’re headed.” He gestured to the other man on the boat. “My brother and I. We’d be glad to take you there. Not sure what they’ll do with you from that point though. I don’t know what kind of protocol this requires.” He looked back and forth between Colette and I. “We have lots of food and water back on the boat. I’m sure you could use it.”

This was it. This was our rescue. We’d waited so long. I was emotional as I extended my hand to him. “Thank you, Sir.”

He took it firmly and smiled. “Absolutely. I’m glad we came out this way. Might have been another few months had we not.” He paused. “Name’s Harrison Lee.”

“Aidan Turner.” I nodded.

Next, Harrison turned and focused on Colette. She placed her hand in his. “Colette Matthews.”

I smiled at their exchange. She was safe now. That was the most important thing, I reminded myself.

“Pleased to meet you both.” Harrison replied, and then he studied me with a peculiar look on his face. “I remember hearing that an actor had been on board. You look familiar. Was that you?”

I nodded. Regretfully, I wasn’t surprised that my career had given reporters a reason to focus on my identity.

“Wow, this is going to be huge.” Harrison spoke with awe. “The whole world’s been pretty torn up about this. Your plane just disappeared into thin air. But then they found the wreckage. They didn’t think there were any survivors.” He let his own thoughts sink in and then gestured to the boat. “Come on, let’s get you two home.”

I felt Colette’s fingers tighten around my shirt. So much had happened in just the last few moments. It was overwhelming for both of us.

I turned towards Harrison. “Would you mind…giving us a few minutes…to collect our belongings?”

“Of course, take your time.” He nodded and took a polite step backwards towards his small boat.

I grasped Colette’s hand behind my back and held it tightly, turning us back towards our shelter. I glanced over my shoulder towards Harrison. “We’ll just be a moment. Thank you.”

He nodded, waiting patiently.

Colette and walked in silence, robotically moving forward. I hardly knew how to comprehend the emotions inside my own head. I stared at the fire. Once upon a time, we’d worked so hard to sustain it. And since then, it had kept us alive.

We didn’t need it anymore.

I let go of Colette’s hand and pushed our lifeboat towards the fire, lifting the edge and sending our water reserve across the sand, extinguishing the flames completely.

They sizzled and died out quickly. There was a raw sensation in my stomach. Lack of a fire was dangerous. But it took me a moment to convince myself that it wasn’t necessary anymore.

Feeling numb, I made my way to the shelter and began packing my bag. Worn, tattered clothes, and charging cables that had been frayed and used as tools and ties; I barely knew what was actually worth taking. I didn’t need any of this once I was off the island. The only thing I needed was Colette. 

I looked up from where I knelt. She was standing perfectly still, watching me with a remorseful look in her eyes. My face softened and I stood up and took her hands. We were locked in an unspoken understanding as we gazed at each other. As impossible as the concept might have sounded to us months ago, we couldn’t deny the grief in the air. It was grief for the loss of a simplicity we’d never have again.

Colette looked like she was barely holding it together in front of me; like she might break to pieces any moment, so I silently pulled her into my chest, wrapping myself around her.

We stayed like that for a moment or two. I knew Harrison was waiting for us, but somehow, in some way, this was more important.

I finally leaned back and looked into her eyes, forcing a smile onto my face. She peered up at me and I memorized the way her face looked in this light, in the place where we’d fallen in love. I never wanted to forget.

“We did it, Colette.” I felt my eyes water. “We’re going home now, to see our families and our friends, and we’re not in danger anymore. We were strong, and we made it through this. We’re going home _together_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭


	7. Over

The stiff paper of the exam table crinkled beneath me as the doctor assessed the tender scar on my leg. It was just one step in a long inventory of tests and exams I’d been given today.

“You said Colette stitched this up with a sewing needle and thread?” The doctor asked as she studied it closely.

“And cleaned it with mouthwash.” I nodded.

“She did an excellent job. I’ve seen worse work by PA’s who went to school for 10 years.”

I smiled, feeling proud on Colette’s behalf.

“How has the healing been? Has it been bothering you still?”

“It’s a little tender, but I barely notice it anymore.”

“That’s great, Aidan. You’ve fared remarkably well, despite the circumstances. Even the scar on your face should fade over time, and I see no ill effects from your diet in your test results. You’re actually quite healthy. Just a little dehydrated. But if you continue to drink well for the next few days, you should be back to normal in no time.” She stood up and smiled at me.

“Thank you.” I rolled the leg of my jeans back down.

“How are you feeling mentally…emotionally after the ordeal?” She peered at me carefully.

I thought for a moment and scratched my head. “It’s odd being back…around people, and civilization in general. It’s so busy.”

She nodded. “It’ll take some time to adjust. Spend lots of time with Colette in the beginning, if you can. You’ll help each other adjust.” She studied me for another moment. “And how about what you saw on the plane? How are you dealing with that?”

I frowned and looked past her at the wall. I didn’t really want to talk about it, but I knew if I didn’t, she’d fear it was worse than it was. I took a deep breath. “I dream about it sometimes…”

“Do you have trouble sleeping, or is it just the dreams?”

I shook my head. “Oh, no trouble sleeping. Not a chance.” I smiled. “I was knackered every night on that island.”

She grinned. “Well, just remind yourself that you did a really heroic thing that day. Colette is alive today because of you.”

“Well, it’s certainly been a journey.” I sighed and looked at the door. “So I can she and I leave now?”

The doctor cleared her throat and shuffled her papers in her hands. “You can go see her now, but we’ll need to keep her overnight.”

My heart dropped. “Is she ok?”

“She’s dehydrated enough that we want to put her on some fluids to get her levels back up.” She didn’t look at me.

“But she’ll be ok?” I inquired nervously.

The doctor eventually lifted her eyes to mine and smiled. “You’ll both be fine. The two of you did a wonderful job surviving out there.”

I nodded and stood up. “We sure did our best.”

“Good luck, Aidan.” She shook my hand. “With everything.”

I smiled, thanked her, and left the room.

I made my way to Colette’s room as quickly as I could. I knew she’d be anxious at having to stay overnight, and I wanted to make sure she knew I wouldn’t leave her alone.

When I came around the corner and saw her, I couldn’t help but smile, even if I was a bit anxious myself. She was propped up in bed, hooked up to an IV machine and staring blankly at a muted TV that played in the corner. But when her eyes met mine, I saw the relief there.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, crossing the room and kissing her gently. I sat down next to her on the bed.

“I’m alright, I guess.” She sighed, looking at the IV in her hand.

I frowned. “They said that they need to keep you overnight?”

She looked up at me and took a deep breath. “Yeah, unfortunately. Did they tell you why?”

“They said you were overly dehydrated.” I watched her with sympathy.

She sighed and slumped her shoulders. “Yeah, so I guess I’m stuck here for now.”

I touched her arm. “Hey, that’s ok. You need to be healthy. Did the rest of you check out alright?

“Yeah…no strange island diseases…” She attempted to smile, but avoided my gaze. “How about you? Are you good?”

“Yep.” I replied. “A little dehydrated too, but apparently not enough to keep me overnight.”

She nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. I tilted my head and watched her think. And then she lifted her eyes to mine. “How was the questioning?”

I slumped _my_ shoulders this time, remembering the questions about the plane. “As expected, a lot to hash out…”

There was a beat of silence before Colette spoke again. “What about your family? Did they show up yet?”

“Yeah, they did.” I smiled, remembering the reunion with my parents and brother. “They’re away, getting a bite to eat.”

“Oh,” Her face fell. “You could have gone with them…”

She was being so selfless again, but I knew she really just wanted me here with her. And that’s what I wanted too. I took her hand and smiled. “Nope, I told you I’d come find you before I left the hospital, and I don’t break promises. Besides, I wanted to come and make sure you were ok.”

She blinked silently at me and the corners of her mouth turned up.

“Did your family arrive?” I asked.

“They did.” She replied slowly. “They’re away to eat as well.”

I considered Colette’s own reunion with her family and began to wonder how much they knew. “Did you tell them about us?”

“Oh, um, I told my mom…”

Her eyes watched me nervously like she’d done something wrong, and so I smiled encouragingly. “No, that’s good, that’s good. I told mine too.”

“You did?” She breathed.

I squeezed her hand. “Of course. They can’t wait to meet you.” I remembered my own mother’s face when I’d told her that I’d unexpectedly fallen in love with Colette. The tender emotion was there immediately in her eyes. But just as quickly, she’d asked what I was going to do about Jane.

“Has…anyone else shown up to see you?” Colette asked, as if reading my mind.

I sighed, pulling out the new cell phone that my parents had brought me. “My parents reactivated my number. Jane is supposed to text me when she’s on her way.”

Colette’s hesitancy was written all over her face. “Have you been in contact with her yet?”

“Not yet.” I replied, staring at my phone. Ever since we’d stepped foot on that sailboat, I’d been trying to figure out how I was possibly going to explain it all to her. Ultimately, I’d cheated on her. There was no way to avoid that reality, and for that, no matter how deeply I loved Colette now, I felt incredibly guilty.

Then, the door to the room opened, and an unfamiliar set of three strangers entered. The first, a friendly looking woman with smiling eyes, the second, a tall man with greying hair, and the last, a younger woman with features very similar to Colette’s.

“Aidan, these are my parents and my sister.” Colette said from next to me. I could hear the nerves in her voice.

It was surreal, seeing them after I’d heard so much about them. Her mother stopped in her tracks and beamed at me. I stood up and extended my hand, but she enveloped me in a hug instead.

“Thank you so much for keeping her safe…” She said into my shoulder, holding me tightly.

I smiled and relaxed in her warm embrace.

She stood back and put her hands on my shoulders, studying me carefully. “Colette has had nothing but wonderful things to say about you, and we are just so thankful that she had you. It’s wonderful to meet you.”

“It’s my absolute pleasure to meet you too.” I smiled. “I’ve heard nothing but positive things about you as well.”

And then I turned to her father, who stood nearby, imposing and wise. I immediately felt a sense of reverence and respect for him, knowing I’d become so close with his daughter.

He took my hand in a firm grip. “Thank you for getting her back to us safely.”

I nodded at him, considering the hopelessness he’d probably experienced, being unable to protect her himself. While I didn’t know from experience, I could only imagine the responsibility a father would feel for his daughter, and I was grateful that I’d been able to step in.

Next, I turned to Colette’s sister, who stared at me with wide eyes. It was not an unfamiliar expression, but it was one I’d seen in Colette once up on a time too, so I took the initiative to lean in a for a hug.

“Evelyn, right?” I smiled as I pulled away.

She nodded and stepped back, smiling silently.

Her mother stepped around me and sat down on the bed next to Colette. “So, they’re keeping you overnight? How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, mom. It’s just a precaution.” Colette assured her.

Her mother turned and pointed at the chair next to the bed. “Aidan, sit. Let’s get acquainted.”

For the next hour, we all sat and talked, recounting our experience and discussing some of our plans for returning back to our routines. Colette’s mother wasn’t afraid to ask tough questions, and I appreciated her for it.

When they left, I smirked at Colette. “They were wonderful.”

She returned an embarrassed smile.

“I really like your mom, she’s a no-nonsense kind of lady.” I laughed.

“Yeah, she doesn’t mess around.” Colette grinned too.

“She is very sweet though…I can see where you get that from.” I admired Colette for a moment, feeling like I could catch a glimpse of her future.

We watched each other, each in our own thoughts, and she looked like she was about to say something else, but just as she opened her mouth, the door flew open again.

I spun around in shock, and there she was. Jane.

She was out of breath and panicky as she burst into the room, and her eyes met mine instantly.

I dropped Colette’s hand and shot up from my chair as my heart leapt into my throat.

“Aidan…” She breathed, crossing the room and flinging her arms around me. “Oh my God…Aidan…”

I hesitated, before wrapping my arms lightly around her. “I thought you were going to text me when you were on your way?” The feel of her was so familiar, yet I quickly realized that I didn’t crave it at all. She felt cold and stiff compared to the warmth and softness I’d learned to love about Colette.

Jane leaned back and took my face in her hands. Her green eyes, laced with tears, pierced into mine. “I couldn’t even bear to…I got here as fast as I could.”

I swallowed nervously.

“Are you alright? Were you hurt?” She began to touch my arms and assess me for injuries. I was acutely aware of Colette witnessing this from nearby.

“I’m alright now.” I replied, taking a small step away from her.

“Oh, Aidan…it was awful. We all thought you were…”

“I know.” I placed my hand on her arm in an attempt to remove her vice grip from me, but also to comfort her slightly. “A lot has happened in the last few months.”

“I’m so glad you’re ok…” She blinked up at me in shock, like she was seeing a ghost. And then her eyes left mine and focused behind me. “Oh, you must be Colette!” She stepped forwards and extended her hand.

I took a shaking breath and stepped back. Watching them interact was a tense thing to witness. I ran my hand through my hair anxiously, wishing I was anywhere else.

“It’s wonderful to meet you.” Jane said.

Colette watched her quietly, taking it all in.

And then Jane turned back to me and took my arm. “Oh, I just can’t believe you’re back…I’d lost hope…we have so much to catch up on…”

It was time. I’d dreaded this moment for months, pretending like it would never have to happen. But it was inevitable now. I cleared my throat and looked her straight in the eye. “Jane, let’s take a walk? Ok?”

She grinned eagerly. She had no idea.

I took a deep breath and pulled her towards the door. As I opened it, I peered over my shoulder towards Colette. She sat silently in her bed, watching me leave. She knew this was a conversation I feared. I think she was almost as afraid as I was. But she gave me a small smile, and I felt a surge of strength, knowing this was the last roadblock between she and I feeling completely guilt-free about our relationship.

I shut the door behind me and walked with Jane down the hall. She clung to my arm and kissed my shoulder.

“I just can’t believe you’re alive…” She whispered into my shirt.

I didn’t look at her, but I kept walking straight, on a mission to find a quiet place to talk. I wanted to flinch away, but I didn’t want to give her reason to question things before we were alone.

Soon, I spotted a door that exited into a small garden, and I led her outside and found a bench. We sat down together, and she scooted towards me, looking up at me through her long eyelashes and starting to lean it.

I slid away from her slightly, but she reached out her arms to try and wrap them around me again. I took her hands in mine and held them at her lap, creating a sort of barrier between she and I. I knew she wanted to throw herself onto me, but if I could give her the simple touch of my hands in hers, it would satisfy her until I was able to tell her the truth.

“Tell me everything.” She watched me with worry. “You must be completely exhausted. You look like you’ve lost close to twenty pounds.”

I took another deep breath. “It’s been a long few months. I barely know where to begin.”

“The scar on your face.” She tried to lift her hand from mine to touch it, but I held it tightly. “When did that happen?”

“The crash. I think I sliced it on the seat in front of me on impact.”

Her eyes widened. “Did you lose consciousness? How did you get off the plane? Did Colette help you?”

“I was knocked out briefly, yes. But no, I actually helped Colette off the plane. She was unconscious for about a full day.”

“Oh my, poor thing…” She frowned.

I bit my tongue and looked down. She wasn’t going to be saying that in a few moments.

“So then what?” She asked. “The two of you just lived off the land for all those months? What did you eat?”

“Coconuts, fish, birds, seaweed.” I replied. “Fresh water was the hardest to come by, but we figured it out.”

“Colette seems like a nice girl. I’m glad you weren’t alone. I hope she’s going to be ok.” Jane smiled. “But she looks young and fragile.”

I lifted my eyes to hers and furrowed my brow. “She’s 28, and she’s stronger than she looks.”

She blinked, sensing that she’d offended me. “Oh, of course. I’m sure you both showed your strengths out there.”

“We did.”

A pause. She continued. “And I’m sure it was helpful to have each other.”

“It was.” I stared at her without blinking.

Jane breathed slowly as she watched me. “Will you stay in touch with her?”

I pressed my lips together and looked back down at our hands. “Yes, Jane–”

“You fell in love with her, didn’t you?” She interrupted me.

My head shot up and I met her eyes quickly. I hadn’t expected it to be so obvious. She looked at me with the pain that I’d been afraid to see all along.

“You _did_.” She confirmed it for herself, dropping her hands from mine and scooting further away on the bench.

“It’s not easy to explain…” I began.

“Well, try me, _please_.” She crossed her arms and stared at me. “Because you’ve known _me_ for almost a year, and you certainly never told _me_ you loved me. But you know this chick for what?... _three months_? And it’s all hearts and flowers and love…while you’re still technically in a relationship with me, _by the way_.”

“I know, but this was so different…” I started.

“I haven’t seen _anyone_ , Aidan. ANYONE.” She spat. “I thought you were DEAD, but I still remained faithful.”

“Let me explain.” I said calmly.

“NO.” She spat. “I wasn’t going to move on until your death was declared. But you? Oh, _nooo_ , you were out there screwing the first warm-blooded female who opened her legs for you.”

“HEY.” I sat up straighter and glared at her. She flinched just slightly at my imposing posture, and I was glad for that, but I relaxed slightly. “Look, Jane. I’m a jerk, _I know that_. What I did; it’s inexcusable. It was completely unfair to you, and if I could apologize enough to make it up to you, I would. But because no number of apologies will ever do my behavior justice, all I can do is try to explain.”

She was staring daggers at me. “You were starving to death, but you still managed to get it up. That’s _impressive_ , Aidan.” Her voice was bitter and vile.

I let out a long breath, trying to contain an outburst. I glared at her. I didn’t expect her to even give try to understand. But I also didn’t expect her to start accusing me of sleeping with Colette so quickly. She was right, of course, but I wasn’t ready to discuss it so quickly. I faced her squarely. “I’m going to be 100 percent transparent with you.” I began. “When you and I said goodbye at the airport…I questioned our relationship…”

Jane rolled her eyes, but I held up my hand to stop her. “And I know that this is not an excuse. But please, hear me out.”

She didn’t say anything.

“Jane, you know things were headed downhill. We weren’t the same people anymore. You said it yourself. I went into this whole ordeal feeling distanced from you to begin with.” I paused. “And then I saved someone’s life, and then she saved mine. And I struggled…I promise you that I struggled hard, because I developed feelings for her, but I wanted to remain faithful to you.”

She was still glaring back at me, but she was letting me speak, so I continued. “Colette wanted to respect you too. But the weeks and the months went by, and we saw planes fly over, and we both almost died. I’m not exaggerating. We literally didn’t know if we’d ever be rescued. We didn’t _choose_ to fall in love with each other. That was beyond our control. But we did choose to act on our feelings, and for that, I am incredibly sorry for. I cannot excuse those actions. But the reason we eventually did give in was because we thought we were going to die, and at that point, nothing else mattered.”

“That’s kind of disgusting.” She set her jaw.

I frowned. “I know. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. But like I said, I did what I did based on my own irrational thinking at the time, and all I can do now is try to explain it to you.”

“Was it _really_ irrational? Or would you have done it just the same if you would have known you would be rescued?”

I stared at her incredulously. “Of course I wouldn’t have done it. I would have waited until I could end things properly with you first.”

Her face fell even more. “But you still would have ended things with me?”

I watched her with sadness. “Yes. I think the end for us has been inevitable for a while now.”

She was silent for a moment, letting it sink in, before she spoke again. “Do you even know anything about this girl? She’s just some stranger from your flight.”

“She _was_ a stranger.” I corrected her. “But three and a half months is a long time. We know each other quite well now.”

Jane scoffed at my use of words and looked away.

“You know what I mean.” I replied quickly.

“Not really.” She stared at the ground. “I wouldn’t have done this to you.”

I sighed. “Maybe you wouldn’t have. And I know I shouldn’t have, but I can’t change the past. All I can do is apologize.”

“ _And_ break up with me.” She added bitterly.

“Yes.” I said quietly. “But did you really think things were going well between us before all this?”

“We could have at least tried.” Her voice was smaller than usual.

“I’m not what you need, Jane. You need someone who will take you to fancy, extravagant places, and live a life filled with excitement and abundance.” I paused. “That guy is not me. I _loved_ being on that quiet island. It was peaceful and simple. It was exactly what I needed. You would have _hated_ it. That’s a fundamental difference between the two of us. You have to see that, at least.”

She sighed. “I mean…you’re right. You’ve changed a lot since we met. It’s very frustrating.”

“It’s _life_.” I replied. “We all change. Sometimes, it’s just time to move on.”

She took a deep, frustrated breath. “You should end things before you move on, Aidan. You clearly have no self-control.”

I frowned. “I really am _so_ sorry.”

“Being sorry is not enough.” She replied, standing up and pulling her purse over her shoulder.

“What else can I do?” I asked.

She pursed her lips and studied me. “I don’t know. I’ve gotta go think about this. It’s a lot to take in. Suddenly finding out you’re alive, and then finding out that you’ve cheated and fallen in love with someone else? It’s a miracle disguised as a real shitty day. Or the other way around, depending on how you look at it.”

I didn’t say anything. She was right, and I hated the truth.

“Bye Aidan. Have a nice life.” She said with distaste. She didn’t even give me a chance to respond as she quickly walked away and left me alone in the garden.

I sat silently on the bench. I knew I’d done the best that I could. I knew that she’d probably never forgive me. I knew that I was a jerk and a cheater, no matter which way she looked at me. But what I didn’t tell her was that I didn’t regret it. If the same situation presented itself again, and again, I didn’t know we’d be rescued, I would have made the same decisions and the same choices. I would have chosen to love Colette with the same passion and ferocity every single time. She was worth it all to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, well that was tense...  
> It's been fun dissecting Aidan's relationship with Jane. There's more to come 😉


	8. Surprise

“What did she say?” I held Colette’s hand in my lap as we sat on the bed in our new home. She’d just told me that Jane had confronted her while I was away in Dublin, and I was anxious to know the details.

“She told me…” Colette’s voice shook slightly. “She told me that I need to be careful, because apparently you told her a lot of the same things you’ve said to me, and she feels very betrayed by that. She warned me not to get too comfortable, for fear that you’d eventually turn from me too.”

I sighed. Jane knew how to play her games so well. She also knew how to twist stories to meet her needs and manipulate others. I frowned at Colette. “As much as Jane would like to think that what we had was profound, that’s just not the truth. We had a lot of fun in the beginning, and words were said and emotions got the best of us, but in reality, and looking back, that relationship was so surface-level. I may not have seen it then, but I see it now.”

She watched me closely. “But, you _did_ tell her that she was your number one priority?”

I took a deep breath, knowing how it all must seem to her. “Probably, at some point…but she probably was at that time.”

She gazed down to the bed silently.

I squeezed her hand. It almost felt like it was shaking nervously in mine. “So, if I’m understanding correctly, Jane has told you that just because I said those things to her, and then changed my mind, that means I’m going to do the same to you?”

She looked up at me. “I guess, yeah, pretty much.”

I gazed at her for a moment, almost letting a smile escape in response to her fears, because she didn’t realize how unwarranted they really were. But knowing how delicate her self-esteem was, I softened my expression instead. “I suppose…that could happen to anyone, right? People fall in and out of love…or lust, and we can’t control it sometimes. But just because it happens with one person, doesn’t mean that it will happen again with the next. I didn’t lie to Jane when I told her that. And I didn’t lie to you either.” I watched her gently. “What I _can_ tell you, is that the feelings I have for you, deep inside my heart, are infinitely more profound than those I had for Jane when I said the same words to her. There have been so many intimate conversations I’ve shared with you, that I never shared with her. There is a connection between you and I that I can’t quite explain, and I think you are the only other person on this planet who understands that. We’ve been through something intense together, Colette. It’s a different level with us, and sadly, the same words I used with Jane, are the ones that fit with you, but now, they mean so much more. I promise you that.”

She was perfectly still, watching me as I spoke. She still looked uncertain, almost afraid. But then she took a deep breath and replied. “I believe you.”

I lifted my free hand and touched her cheek. “I’m sorry that Jane placed those doubts in your head. And I’m sorry that they’ll probably stick around there for a while there. But thank you, so much, for speaking to me about them. I know it’s difficult for you.” I smiled gently. “I’m really, really glad you didn’t hold them inside. You can tell me anything…”

I expected her to smile in response, but instead, her anxiety just seemed to increase. Her small hand began to hold mine tighter. It was clear that there was still something weighing on her shoulders.

“Colette…” I continued. “Knowing what is in your mind and your heart is the greatest gift to me. I want to know all of you, and I want you to be comfortable telling me everything, because we’re in this together, no matter what.”

As soon as the words came from me, her bottom lip began to tremble. It was if she were watching me in a mild panic, needing my help but not knowing how to ask for it. She closed her eyes, and a single tear ran down her cheek.

My heart dropped. I brushed my hand up her arm and furrowed my brow. “Hey…are you alright?”

She shook her head no, not meeting my eyes.

“Colette, what’s wrong? Have I said something?” I leaned in slightly, trying to catch her gaze.

But she refused to look at me. Her shoulders tensed as she lifted her hand to her face and tried to stifle a sob. “No, no…it’s what _I_ _haven’t_ said…”

I moved closer to her. Now _I_ was anxious that something was really wrong. “What is it?”

Another tear dropped onto the bed as she finally lifted her eyes to mine. I was now sure that her hand _was_ definitely shaking in mine. She looked terrified as she spoke. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you yet…but I just couldn’t…”

My breathing became shallow as I watched her. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what could have affected her so deeply. But I had no idea. I stroked her arm gently. “Colette, love…what couldn’t you tell me?”

Her eyes, rimmed with tears, stared back into mine for a few drawn out seconds. Her troubled expression was her one last plea for help, before she finally spoke.

“I’m…pregnant.” She whispered.

I didn’t move.

At first, I thought I’d misheard her. _Pregnant?_ It wasn’t possible. But her words were perfectly clear.

The air in the room was suddenly thick and suffocating. Her eyes never left mine as I tried to comprehend. I didn’t understand. It couldn’t be possible. We’d been so careful…

I was enormously confused. She’d told me she wasn’t pregnant, hadn’t she? But that was…weeks ago? Or was it _months_ ago? I couldn’t remember.

I focused closely on her. She looked so small and scared in front of me. Could it be true? I blinked in awe, trying to find my voice. “Really?”

She wiped a tear from her cheek and nodded.

“How…how long have you known?” I could barely speak.

“Since the hospital…that’s why they kept me.” She paused. “I’m so sorry…so sorry I didn’t tell you right away…I just…”

“How far along are you?” My next question came quickly. With each second, the reality sank deeper.

“Five weeks…” She frowned. “It was the night we tried the lift…”

I glanced away from her, remembering that day in the sand. There was no way. “I was so careful…”

“You were…we both were…” She gulped. “…but things happen… _this_ happened…”

I swallowed as I met her gaze again. _No, this didn’t happen._ _There must have been a mistake._ “The doctors were sure?”

She nodded. “Yes, it’s true.”

My brows knitted together, still trying to find a rational explanation. Clearly, there must have been some sort of miscommunication. “But…how could they know this early? You haven’t had any symptoms…” I looked at her closely. “You haven’t had any symptoms, have you?”

Her chest rose and fell. “Blood tests apparently can indicate pregnancy in as little as a few weeks. And, no I’ve barely had any symptoms.”

“But you’ve had some?”

She shrugged. “Maybe the tiniest bit of aversion to some smells, and I’ve been more emotional…but nothing alarming.”

My heartbeat was rapid in my chest as I watched her. The symptoms spoke for themselves. This was real. I pictured a tiny little being, warmly wrapped in her arms. _Our_ tiny little being.

I flexed my fingers, beginning to realize that they’d become numb. The room was spinning around me as I comprehended our reality. My voice came out breathless. “I can’t even believe it…”

“I know…I barely believe it yet either…Aidan, I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you. It was wrong of me…” Her lower lip started to quiver again.

I shook my head and scooted closer. Guilt was the last thing she needed to worry about now. “No, no, it’s ok, Colette.” I touched her shoulder, realizing that my hand was shaking now too. “But I can’t imagine how this must have weighed on you…you shouldn’t have had to go through these last few days alone…and then I left you…” And then the realization dawned on me. I began to remember the morning I left so abruptly. “Was this what you were trying to tell me that morning in the hotel?”

She nodded.

I dropped my own head in guilt. “I’m so, so sorry, love…”

While Colette sat so still in front of me, I felt an immense sense of sorrow that she’d shouldered this news for so long without me. My eyes dropped to her stomach, and I reached out and touched it gently. Closing my eyes, I leaned my forehead in against hers and repeated my words. “I can’t believe it…” 

“I’m sorry for the stress that this will place on you.” She whispered. “Please know that I don’t expect anything from you if you don’t want…”

I opened my eyes and sat back, watching her with disbelief. “What do you mean? Of course I’ll be here to support you through all of it, and then with…the baby... _our_ baby…” I corrected myself. I could barely believe those words were coming from my mouth.

Colette blinked hesitantly at me. She was doubting herself again. I could see it in her eyes, so I placed my hand on the side of her face. “Did you think I’d walk away?”

She took a breath and closed her eyes. “No, not exactly…but I don’t want you to stay just because you have to…”

There was still a stray tear on her cheek. Her shoulders were tense and trembling. She’d never looked more fragile to me, even when she’d been sick and malnourished on the island. Back then, she’d been strong in her mind. Now, she looked as if she were about to shatter from the inside-out.

I brushed the tear away with my thumb. “Colette…” Her eyes opened and I gazed into them. “I love you. I love you more than I knew it was possible to love someone. I’m not going anywhere, and that’s not because of any obligation I might have. It’s because I don’t _want_ to go anywhere. I want to be with you, and experience life together.” I opened my palm and laid it gently against her stomach. “Life’s just gotten more complicated, but it’s also gotten more beautiful, and we’re going to figure this out together. I wouldn’t want to navigate this with anyone else.”

The words I spoke were there to comfort me just as much as they were to comfort her. I was terrified. I wasn’t ready for a child. It wasn’t in my plans. Not yet at least. It was a huge, lifelong responsibility, and I knew it would be the most challenging adventure yet. But I loved Colette more than anything, and I was overcome with emotion at the realization that we’d created a life together.

I looked at my hand on her stomach and then back up at her. I felt the tears forming in my own eyes. “Our child…”

There were tears in hers again too, and for the first time, a small smile formed on her face. Amongst the fear and the uncertainty, there was still joy there, and I felt it in me too. We’d been through so much together already, and as shocking as this was, I knew that we had the foundation to get through it together, and to make it something really beautiful.

She placed her hand over mine, and I leaned in, kissing her gently and realizing all at once that not only were we bonded forever by our experience of survival, but now also by this little being who we’d created together. I was terrified, and the reality still hadn’t fully sunk in, but through veil of surprise and shock and fear, there was a pure and unfiltered happiness there too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️


	9. Numb

I stepped out of the shower and dried my hair with a towel as I studied myself in the mirror. I’d put back on some of the weight I’d lost on the island. My skin was cleaner and wasn’t as tan, and the scar on my leg continue to heal. My face was neatly shaved now, but my eyes looked more tired than they had in the mirror on Harrison’s boat. I wasn’t sure which version of myself I preferred.

I was in Cornwall now, filming the third series of Poldark, and Colette was back in LA. We’d weathered a few bumps in the road since our return from the island, and most of them involved Jane, but we were still managing to lean on each other and continued to grow stronger for it.

My phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. It was a text from Colette.

_Are you free to chat? Jane’s lost it again. -C_

I sighed and pulled on a shirt and shorts. I wasn’t surprised, but anxiety still seeped in. I paced into the kitchen in my tiny apartment as I dialed Colette on Skype.

Her face appeared, all worried and cautious in front of me.

“What’s Jane done?” I asked.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. “Has anyone told you yet? It was less than an hour ago…”

“Told me what? What did she do?” I sat down at the table and propped my phone in front of me.

She frowned. “Twitter…she got photos of me at the bar earlier, and posted them…”

I furrowed my brow. “What? No, no one’s said anything to me. Can you send me a screenshot?”

“She’s evil, Aidan…I don’t even know what to say anymore…” She tapped around on her phone and then sent them to me.

There were three photos, all of Colette, looking rather beautiful in the little black dress she’d worn that evening for her outing with Lainey. But next to her was a strange man, who was clearly very drunk, and very much too close to her. It would have bothered me, had I not been able to read the look on Colette’s face as she tried to shy away from him.

Underneath the photos was a caption from Jane:

_“Lovely. He clearly didn’t realize that when he cheated on me with her, she’d be paying him back the favor.”_

I gritted my teeth and glared at the screen. She was attacking me _through_ Colette now. She was making Colette look like the bad guy. I had no patience for it. _That_ was my limit.

Colette watched me nervously. “The photos…they don’t do the situation justice…I was trying to back away from him…really…”

I softened my gaze quickly, realizing that she was feeling guilty about the photos. “Oh, I know, Colette, don’t worry, I’m not angry with you. I’m not even focused on that. Jane loves to twist things out of proportion. I trust you. But this behavior from her is just…” I clenched my hand into a fist and squeezed my eyes shut in frustration.

Colette spoke again. “It’s like she won’t let go…like she wants to get you all fired up.”

I opened my eyes and looked at her. “I can’t believe she’s bringing you into this…she’s crossed a line. It’s one thing if she wants to call me out on _my_ actions, but none of this was your fault, and nothing should be blamed on you…How dare she drag your image through the mud like that?” This was a step too far. I knew what kind of damage this could do to someone’s image in the public eye. I wasn’t going to let Jane ruin Colette’s reputation. I ran my fingers through my damp hair in frustration. “I’m going to make sure she regrets this…”

Colette leaned forward towards her phone. “Aidan…that’s exactly what she wants. She wants to see you react. Don’t give her that satisfaction…”

I responded quickly. “NO. I refuse to let her get away with this. She’s reached a new low.” I sighed, thinking about the mess I’d created by ever being with Jane in the first place. “Now I’m embarrassed that I was ever connected to her. The woman is insane…”

Colette didn’t respond, and I could tell that she was worried about my anger, but I knew what I had to do. I sat up straighter. “I’m calling her right now. She’s taking those down immediately.”

“Aidan,” She pleaded. “It’s almost 3am here…maybe you should wait until tomorrow…”

I scoffed. “What, so, _she_ can post this garbage late into the night, but I am expected to sit back and wait until an appropriate hour to respond? I don’t think that’s how it works.”

She rubbed her head and slumped her shoulders in defeat. “Maybe you should just go to the beach and let this pass over.”

I glared at the table in front of me. I couldn’t even consider my beach excursion with Jack and Luke this morning. I hated the internet for ever coming into existence. “Ugh, this is why I avoid social media at all costs. If this were just about me, I’d let it go, but I’m not going to let her pull you into this. In an ideal world, I’d like to hop on a plane right now and give Jane a piece of my mind, face-to-face.”

Colette frowned as she watched me. I could tell that Jane was getting to her too. She looked exhausted. I wished I could pull her through the screen and into my arms.

“Look, I’m not going to let Jane speak about you this way.” I sighed. “You may think it’s better to let it go, but I’m not going to lie down and let her trample all over us, and especially not you. That is where I draw the line.”

She sighed. “Well, please just know that I’m ok. I’m irritated with her false accusations, but I also know that they come from a place of bitter spite, and I do think that eventually, she’s gonna move on.”

I didn’t believe her. Jane wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. She had accused Colette of cheating, and had posted incriminating photos of her tonight. That kind of behavior could have an effect on someone, and I knew Colette wasn’t immune to it. I set my jaw as I watched her in silence, wishing I could encourage her to be honest, but knowing it would be impossible over the phone.

Despite her anxiety over my reaction, Colette lifted her hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn. I’d forgotten that it was way past midnight in LA.

“Colette, you need to sleep.” I said quietly.

She yawned again, but tried to hide it. “Yeah…I know.”

I leaned in and watched her with sympathy. The stress and fatigue weren’t treating her well. “You shouldn’t be up this late. It’s not good for you…or the baby. You go get some sleep. I’ll get this sorted out.”

She watched me cautiously. “Just…don’t make her even more angry…”

I bit my tongue, but tried to keep my calm demeanor. “There will be words. She needs to know how ‘not ok’ this is."

She sighed again, but I could tell she’d finally given in. She nodded. “Well, let me know if you need me to do anything here on my end.”

“I need you to get some sleep.” I responded.

She frowned, and then her tired eyes watched me with longing. “I just wish you were here.”

I frowned in return. “I know, love…we’ll be together again soon. You just keep taking care of yourself.”

She closed her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Colette. Text me when you wake up.” I smiled gently, feeling sad to say goodnight, but eager to speak my mind to Jane.

“Goodnight.” She said quietly.

“Goodnight.” I replied, and then I ended the call.

I navigated to my contacts list and tapped Jane’s name before I even had the chance to collect my thoughts. As I held the phone up to my ear, there was just one ring before she picked up.

“Hi Aidan.” Her voice seemed pleased.

“What is wrong with you?” My voice was contrastingly bitter.

“What do you mean?”

“Take them down now.” I clenched my jaw.

“What?” Her voice was so sweet an innocent. I couldn’t believe I’d mistakenly fallen for it just a year ago.

But she was being so immature, I clenched my fists so as to not yell. “Stop playing dumb Jane. Take the pictures down.”

“Oh, those pictures?” She feigned innocence. “I just thought you might like to know your _precious Colette_ is giving you a taste of your own medicine. She was all over that guy tonight.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.” I spat.

“Hey, the pictures speak for themselves.” She responded simply.

I didn’t have the energy to carry on such a ridiculous argument with her, so I went back to my original request. “Take them down, now.”

“No.”

I blinked at her simple answer. “Yes, you will take them down right now.”

“No, I will not.”

“Oh, my God, Jane. Take the FECKING photos down!” I yelled. “You have no right to post pictures of Colette without her permission.”

“Or what? What are you gonna do about it, Aidan?” She teased.

I stood up from the table and began to pace back and forth. “I don’t have the patience for this.” I grumbled.

“Or maybe…” She mused, ignoring my anger. “What might _you_ be able to do, so that I’ll _agree_ to take the photos down?”

I stopped my pacing and glared at the wall in front of me. “ _What?”_ I hissed.

“The photos have to be worth something to you, don’t they?” She suggested.

I was silent.

“It would be a shame if the media got ahold of them. They’ve only been up an hour, but they’re bound to catch one of the tabloid’s eyes any moment now.” She said with ironic glee.

I squinted my eyes shut. She was exactly right, we didn’t have much time before someone would pick up the story… I sighed, hating myself and my helplessness. “What do you want, Jane?”

A short pause. She was surprised I’d given in so easily. “When do you get back to LA?”

“6 weeks.” I replied hesitantly.

“Have dinner with me.” She clearly had the request prepared already.

I sighed. “Why? Jane, what good will that do?”

“I want to ask you a few more questions. I want to tie up a few more loose ends about us. Just to make sure I really understand what happened.” She explained unconvincingly.

I stared at the floor with distaste and then sat down again, rubbing my fingers on the bridge of my nose. “There is nothing left to talk about. There is no reason for us to meet. Ask me anything right here, over the phone.”

“I want to see you in person.” She confirmed.

“No.” I replied, mimicking her simplicity earlier.

“Fine, then the pictures stay up.”

I grumbled and held the phone in front of me on the table for a second, staring at her name on the screen. She was infuriating. I wished I had more power to put her in her place, but I was helpless so far across the world from her. My voice could only be so imposing over the phone, but maybe my presence could finally put an end to her games.

I considered my options. I could let her keep the photos posted, and wait to see how they’d affect Colette’s reputation. I _knew_ the reactions from the nasty internet world would hurt her. Or, I could agree to meet Jane. I’d tell Colette I had an errand to run. I’d impose my iron fist of reasoning upon Jane, and she’d be afraid to cross me ever again. Colette would never have to know that anything even happened. She’d be blissfully oblivious and able to focus on her pregnancy.

I was running out of time as I watched the seconds tick by. The answer was obvious to me. So I picked up the phone again and raised it to my ear.

“Fine.” I said through gritted teeth.

“Fine, what?” Jane asked for clarification.

“Fine, we can meet and talk.” I squeezed my eyes shut, hating myself yet again.

“Excellent.” Her voice was so even that she continued without a beat. “Let’s say, Terroni on Spring Street on Saturday, June 2nd, at 7?”

It was obvious that she’d rehearsed the suggestion long before this conversation began.

“Fine.” I repeated myself, just wanting to get her off the phone. Maybe I’d get lucky and come up with a way to get out of it before the day arrived.

“Don’t forget.”

“I’m writing it down right now.” I lied.

“It’s really delicious. Have you been?” She tried to make small talk.

“Take the photos down, Jane.” I replied firmly.

“I will.”

“RIGHT NOW.” I deepened my voice, feeling my patience was on its last thread.

“Fine.” She sighed, and then there was a pause. “Ok, they’re deleted.”

Without a word, I hung up the phone and navigated to my Twitter feed. I had an account that I no longer used, but it allowed me to keep tabs on things when I did rarely log in. I checked Jane’s page to make sure that the photos were no longer there, and once I’d confirmed that they were gone, I shoved my phone across the table and sat back in my chair, running my fingers through my hair in frustration.

I’d just agreed to go behind Colette’s back, have dinner with Jane, while I _knew_ Colette was anxious about the topic already. I shook my head. What was I thinking?

But I had six weeks to figure it out. Maybe Jane would forget? No, that was a pipe dream. But I’d figure _something_ out.

***

4 weeks later, Colette and I attended the Cannes Film Festival in France. She wore an absolutely breathtaking red dress, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She wore more makeup than usual, and her hair was curled and pulled up into a loose bun. I could hardly believe she was the same Colette who walked hand-in-hand with me in the sand. Now, she walked with such poise and grace beside me across the red carpet.

But really, she was the same. She’d always be the same.

We watched the opening night film and then spent some time at the after party with Jake Gyllenhaal and Lily Collins. I was eager to get a few drinks in me to relax a bit before heading back to continue filming Poldark, so I ordered a few whiskeys in a row while we chatted.

Jake was drinking just as fast as I was, and I felt it going to my head just a bit, but the testosterone in me wanted to show him that I could compete. We joked and laughed until I looked over at Colette, who was watching me with a pleading look on her face.

I leaned towards her and placed my hand on her back. “I’m gonna have one more, and then we can go.”

She nodded and turned back to Lily as I signaled the bartender for another whiskey. Jake and I toasted our next drinks, and he made some comment about wishing he could still put them back like he used to, but at the same moment, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

I pulled it out to see a new text from Jane.

_Can’t wait to see you in just two weeks! We have so much to catch up on, and I MISS you. Can we do 5pm instead of 7? I’m going out with the girls later. -J_

I grasped the phone tightly in my hand and gritted my teeth. In a simpler world, I might have just waved her text off and been done with it. But this world, the one I created for myself, was far from simple.

I closed my eyes as my jaw tensed, and I shoved my phone back into my pocket. I’d falsely hoped that Jane would forget about our plans and leave me alone, but I was delusional to have rested my emotions on that impossible prospect. Actually having to meet up with her was the worst case scenario, but I’d gone 4 weeks without doing anything to rectify the situation and change her mind, solely because I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to hear from me. And I _really_ didn’t want to talk to her either. But clearly, she was still eagerly awaiting our upcoming dinner, and now she was even trying to manipulate me further into changing the time.

By agreeing to her conditions in the first place, I’d started a chain of bad decisions and lies. It was my fault just as much as it was hers. I wanted to call her and yell. I wanted to make a scene. I wanted to eat her head off. But I knew anger wasn’t the solution. I knew my temper would get the best of me if I let it. Delirium was my only option tonight. One goal: to feel numb.

I lifted my glass and gulped the rest of my whiskey, letting it burn my throat as it went down. And then I slammed it down on the counter.

“Another?” The bartender asked.

“Nah…” I grunted. “Gimme a shot of the strongest thing you’ve got.”

Colette touched my arm gently. “Aidan, is everything ok? You had said you were about ready to leave…”

My mind was solely focused on my frustrations and embarrassment surrounding my failure of an ex girlfriend, who clearly didn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘ex.’ So I ignored Colette and took the shot from the bartender and threw it back in one gulp.

“Another.” I slammed the shot glass down.

“Aidan…” Colette said again.

I finally looked at her, but she was out of focus in my drunken gaze, and I swayed as I picked up another glass. “I need a few more…”

“What was on your phone?” Her voice sounded like it was underwater; far away and quiet.

I closed my eyes, wanting to forget it all. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Was it Jane?” She pressed.

With difficulty, I held her gaze for a moment. She knew something was up, and that was only going to make the situation even worse. I sighted. I’d made a right bags of it all.

I downed my next shot.

And another.

“Aidan, maybe you should slow down.” Colette touched my arm again.

No, she was wrong.

“You’re going to hurt yourself…it’s not gonna feel good in the morning.” She was trying to keep her voice even.

I stared at my next shot, contemplating the sweet numbness it would bring me. “No, you’ve got that wrong. If I don’t do this, I’m gonna hurt someone else.” I threw my head back and downed the shot, barely feeling the burn now.

I turned to Jake and the others who had joined us. “Aye, mates, anyone up for a game of snooker? I hear they’ve got a table in the other room.” I looked at Colette, who stood next to Lily. They seemed to be getting along well tonight. I needed to leave reality for a moment, for my own good and for hers.

“You’re good for a bit? I’ll be back…” I phrased it like a question, but I didn’t wait for a response. I just gave her a lazy ‘thumbs-up’ and left to the snooker room with the rest of the guys.

“Dudddeee, you really know how to put them back.” Jake, who was now 4 drinks behind me, slapped my shoulder in manly admiration.

I held up my next glass to him and winked. “Not my first time, mate.”

“Do you think your girl is ok back there?” He pointed back towards the bar.

I took a cue stick and began to chalk it up. “She’s chatting away with Lily. She’ll be fine.” I set the table. “I need to just get completely fluthered tonight. My ex is being a massive snake right now and I’m done with it.”

Jake started to respond, but I motioned to the rest of the men. “Who wants to break?”

After another drink, I started to stumble over my own feet, and I knew I _actually_ had to slow down. I could barely focus on my jumbled, disjointed thoughts on Jane anymore, and that was enough for me.

I played a few games with the guys, and kept myself just drunk enough to forget my reality, but when we finished our third, I looked down at the shiny red ball in front of me and remembered Colette in her gorgeous dress.

“Alright, let’s see what the girls have been up to.” I pointed at the door and turned my feet towards it. They carried me forward as I made my way out of the room and back towards the bar.

I was lost for a minute as I looked towards the spot where I’d left Colette, which was empty now, but then I noticed She and Lily on a sofa near the corner of the room. I held my latest glass of whiskey up as I weaved my way towards her and sank down onto the soft, velvet cushion next to her.

“Colette, you’re missing out. You should get in on the next game of snoooookerrr.” I grinned lazily at her.

She eyed me with distaste. “I think maybe we should go.”

“Aw, come on…I think you haven’t had near enough fun tonight…” I frowned. She clearly didn’t know how to let herself go, and it was making for a dull evening for her. I took another drink in her honor.

She furrowed her brow. “No, I don’t think I have.”

I lowered my glass and met her gaze. For an instant, through my veil of drunkenness, I saw her disappointment. She was angry. It was probably my fault.

“I’d like to go now.” She said quietly.

I licked the remaining whiskey from my lips and looked down at my glass, blinking slowly. My fun was over, it seemed. I didn’t want her mad at me, so with reluctance, I sucked it up like a _good_ boyfriend and set my glass down.

As I stood up, the world spun around me and I had to hold onto the table for support. I let out an exasperated sigh as I looked at Lily and Jake. “We’re leaving now. I won’t remember any of this…but…thanks…for the day…I mean…the night…yeah…thanks.”

Colette stood up too and held onto my arm. I smiled at all of them, hoping they’d had a good time. They said a few things to each other, but I didn’t hear them. I just heard the numb buzzing in my ears that made me forget about Jane.

And then Colette was pulling me towards the exit. She seemed like she was trying to keep me steady, but I was focused on holding her tightly to make sure she didn’t fall in her large dress. She stopped and whispered in my ear. “Aidan, there might be cameras out there. Can you hold it together until we get to the car?”

I almost laughed. But I turned to her and lifted my hand to my forehead in a salute. “Under control, ma’am.”

The drive back to our hotel was a complete blur. The initial wave of energy I got from my drinks was slowly fading and leaving me lifeless and drained. My body felt like ten times its weight, but I managed to make it up the stairs and into bed in a robotic manner.

Sleep began to overtake me almost instantly, but I heard Colette’s voice across the room. “So, are we gonna talk about what happened?”

“Hmgbrhhhggmm…” Was all I could manage. I barely knew what she was asking me. The room was spinning, the lights were too bright, and all I could do was close my eyes and let it all fade away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Aidan, you've really done it...


	10. Understood

“How’s Colette?” Theo asked me while we sat just off set in Bristol, waiting for my next call. Production team members moved around us, carrying props from set to set, but Theo sat next to me, polishing silverware for the Trenwith dining room.

“She’s fine.” I replied simply, studying my script.

“When will she arrive in town?” He asked.

I glanced up at him. “Tomorrow.”

“That’s great. I hope she’ll feel alright on the plane. The two of you must be so excited about the baby.” He smiled, switching to another fork.

I looked back down at my lines. “We are, yes.”

“Will you be back in LA with her for the last portion of her pregnancy?”

I gripped my script tightly. It was a simple question, but I hated the answer. “No, after she leaves in August, I won’t be back permanently until just before her due date.”

“Oh.” Theo said quietly with a pause. “Well, I’m sure she’ll be ok.”

I sighed and stood up, despising the thought of leaving her alone in such a trying time, and hating that outsiders were seeing the fault too. But, I had no choice. I was ‘Ross Poldark,’ and the show literally could not go on without me. Anyone else might have been able to take the time off, but not _me_.

***

Two days later, I was finishing up in hair and makeup, having left Colette on set. I was mentally exhausted this morning, and I struggled to memorize my lines for the day.

Colette and I had argued the night before. She’d brought up Jane again, asking if something else was bothering me about her. And after my behavior in France, and the truth that I’d kept from her, I didn’t blame her if she thought I was hiding secrets again. But the truth was, I hadn’t spoken to Jane in weeks, and I hated that she was still coming up in conversation. So I’d snapped at Colette, and I did regret it a bit, but I was still tired of the topic.

“Ok, let’s get you on set. I’ll do a few touchups once we get under the lights.” My stylist said, motioning for me to stand up.

“Thanks.” I smiled tightly. And then I got up and walked to set, continuing to study my script on the way.

“Ha! I must be getting close right!” Theo’s voice boomed from the Nampara kitchen, and I turned the corner to see Colette grinning widely at him.

I pulled my brows together as I watched them. And as my stylist continued to fuss with my hair, Colette looked up to see me. Her smile faded immediately.

I walked past them silently and nodded.

“Hey Aidan.” Theo said.

Without responding, I continued to the fireplace and pretended to memorize my lines.

I heard Colette speak to Theo. “So, what are your plans after Poldark wraps?”

“Oh, I already have another job lined up. I’m booked all the way through next year.”

“In Bristol again?”

“London, actually. It’ll be nice because I’ll get to go home every night.” He responded.

I glared at the words on my page. They might as well have read: _How nice it must be to go home every night._

Theo continued. “I bet you’re eager to spend a longer period of time in LA once you have the baby.”

There was a pause before Colette responded. “I’m not so used to traveling so often. And after everything that happened on the island, I haven’t really felt like I’ve been able to relax yet.”

I frowned. If it weren’t for me, she’d have all the time in the world to relax.

Colette chuckled. “But I guess I can say goodbye to relaxation for the next eighteen years.”

Theo laughed too. “I guess you’re probably right. I think you’ll be an excellent mother though.”

I chanced a glance at him and then at Colette. She was staring at him while a pink blush creeped into her cheeks.

Theo continued. “No, really. You have that kind, nurturing spirit. You’ll be a natural.”

Colette looked down at her hands and grinned. But I turned away again before she had the chance to notice I was watching.

I knew Theo had a thing for her. I’d seen it written all over his face since the first time he’d met her. That only bothered me to a small degee. But there was something in the way she looked at him too. And I actually didn’t blame her. His life was organized. He worked close to home. He probably didn’t have an absolutely insane ex-girlfriend trying to sabotage his life from every angle. Maybe she’d be better off with someone stable like him. Maybe she’d be better off with _him_ , if that’s what she wanted.

***

Two days later, we finished up filming early for the day, and a group of us planned a dinner outing together. I didn’t really want to go. I was tried and not in the mood to socialize. But I knew Colette would enjoy a night out, so I’d agreed. She’d been working remotely from one of the prop rooms, and I was eager to let her know she could be done early.

I ran my hand through my hair and began to unbutton my waistcoat as I made my way around the corner to find her. But when I saw her, she was not alone. She sat in a folding chair next to Theo, who was leaning in with his hand on her stomach.

I stopped in my tracks for a moment at the sight, which was far from what I’d expected, but then I jumped into action, fearing that something was wrong. 

“Colette…” I rushed towards her quickly. “Are you ok?”

When he saw me, Theo pulled his hand away from her stomach like it was a hot stove.

“She’s moving…” Colette smiled at me, wide-eyed. “Come, feel.”

My heart leapt. We’d been so worried about Raina for the last month, because the maternity books told us she should have felt her by now. This was relief. This was a huge milestone.

I knelt down in front of her and placed my hands on her stomach, _where Theo’s had just been_. I took a deep breath. “Really? Finally, she is?”

“Yeah, she’s really active all of a sudden.” Colette whispered.

We sat in silence for a moment, and I barely breathed, trying to feel for any flutters or kicks from Raina. But there was nothing.

I looked up at Colette, confused. “I don’t feel anything, is she still moving?”

She frowned. “Hang on…wait a bit longer. She was just moving so much…she’ll do it again.”

Nothing.

And I knew it. I’d missed it. Colette sighed.

I looked at her again. “Can you still feel her?”

“No, she’s not moving anymore…” She replied quietly.

I set my jaw and stood up.

“She’ll do it again soon I’m sure.” Colette suggested.

I looked at Theo, who was watching the ordeal quietly. I nodded and turned away to loosen my neck cloth. “I’m going to go change for dinner.”

I began to walk away but I didn’t get more than a few steps before I felt Colette grab my arm.

“Aidan…”

I stopped and turned to her. But I didn’t meet her gaze. I folded the white fabric in my hands stoically.

“Aidan, I’m sorry you didn’t feel her. But this is just the start. She’s going to move all the time now, I’m sure. You’ll have your chance.”

“Indeed, I will.” I replied simply, turning to continue walking again.

Her hand was still on my arm. “Please, don’t let this bother you. She’ll move again soon.”

“And Theo will be there to feel it.” I answered.

She stopped, and her grip on my arm tightened, causing me to stumble and stop too. I turned around to face her, and I met her eyes finally.

There was a crease down her forehead where her brows pulled together. “Stop it. You know that was a coincidence.”

I took a deep breath and began to push open the door to my dressing room. “Coincidence is going to have plenty of time to make itself known. I can’t be present and available as much as he can.”

Colette still held onto me. “What are you even talking about? I see you every night and most mornings.”

“Yeah, only when we’re in the same country…” I looked down at the floor.

She shifted her weight and threw her free hand in the air. “And…what? Do you think I see _him_ during those times?”

“No, but it would sure be a heck of a lot easier if you were with someone who stayed put…a steady constant in your life.” The truth of my feelings escaped my lips without a second thought.

She blinked at me. “I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.” Then she paused and raised her eyebrow. “What? That you think I’d be better off with someone else?”

I held her gaze this time, and I felt a sort of sympathy for her. She surely must have thought the same things herself. She deserved to explore them. “I’ve gotta get out of these clothes. I’ll meet you at the cars.”

She stepped towards me so that she was pressed against me, and she looked up into my eyes with an ache of seriousness. My breathing slowed. It felt so good to have her close again. But she was studying me like she was trying to read a foreign language. She didn’t understand. And I didn’t blame her.

“I miss you…” She whispered so quietly I almost couldn’t hear her.

I closed my eyes. I wished I could have believed her words. But I’d seen the look on her face when she laughed with Theo. I saw the glee in her eyes as he’d touched her stomach and felt _our_ child move for the very first time. She hadn’t smiled at _me_ that way in a long time. She deserved to smile that way.

It was painful to separate myself from her, but I stepped back finally and she let go. “I’ll meet you at the cars.” I repeated. And then I turned the knob and disappeared into my room.

***

I was the last to arrive at dinner. I’d regretfully sent Colette with Theo in the car before mine, because I knew it was a better choice than letting her listen to my fans worry about her future as a mother amongst my busy schedule. It was yet again, another example of the peace and stability that Theo could provide. No one was crowding around him at _his_ car.

The restaurant was small and quaint, and our group was situated at a long row of tables outside, below strings of twinkling lights. Colette sat next to Eleanor and they were chatting as I walked in.

“So, I heard you felt her move today?” She asked Colette, referring to the baby.

I met Colette’s gaze as I sat down and took a sip from the glass of water at my place. She looked just as agitated with me as she’d been earlier.

“Yeah, finally. I was beginning to worry.” She replied, smiling tightly at Eleanor.

“She’s probably been moving all along, and you just now felt it. They say first time mothers have a harder time recognizing the sensations. What was it like?”

“Bubbles…fluttering.” She trailed off.

I was looking down at my menu, trying to decide what I’d eat. I wasn’t hungry at all. I was thinking about Theo’s hands on her stomach again.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” There was a waiter next to me.

I looked up at him, and the I glanced at Colette. She was watching me without blinking. I could have really used a drink tonight, to numb some of my frustrations like I’d done in France, but her look told me otherwise.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

“Aw, c’mon. You’re not drinking, Aidan?” Luke asked incredulously from next to Eleanor.

“Nah, I don’t really have the taste for it tonight.” looked back down at my menu as I lied through my teeth. “What’s good here?”

Luke sat up straighter. “Well, I got the Cumberland sausages last time. They were divine.”

“Perfect.” I shut my menu instantly and pushed it away on the table.

There was a pause, and then Eleanor spoke again. “So, you made it out from underneath the hordes of women finally, huh, Turner?”

I frowned and looked across the table at Theo. He was busy talking to the others. I returned my gaze to Eleanor and sighed. “Yeah, they were a bit relentless tonight.”

Eleanor grinned and nudged Colette beside her. “Well, they can dream all they want, but I think your greatest fan has already won your heart. They’ve got some pretty serious competition.”

I forced a small smile to my face, and then I looked at Colette. “She’ll always have my heart…if that’s what she wants.”

Colette tilted her head slightly at me and furrowed her brow. But she didn’t have a chance to respond, because the waiter returned to take our orders.

The rest of the evening was simple. No one continued to ask about Colette and I, and I ate mostly in silence. I caught Colette’s eyes a few times, and I could tell that she had something brewing behind them. I was sure that later tonight, I’d find out what.

Towards the end of the meal, I pushed a bit of sausage around on my plate mindlessly while the chatter continued around me, and then I felt Colette’s foot nudge me under the table. When I looked up, she leaned across the table towards me slightly.

“Can we head out?” She whispered.

Inside my head, my answer wavered between ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ I _did_ want to leave, but I _didn’t_ want to face the inevitable conversation we’d have once we did. But I nodded and signaled the waiter for our bill.

We said our goodbyes and then I called us a ride outside. It was a chilly evening, and Colette pulled her coat around her shoulders as we rode back to our apartment.

“Did you have a nice time tonight?” I asked gently.

She stared out the window, not looking at me. “It was fine.”

“Everyone seemed excited to ask you about Raina.” I suggested.

“Yes, they did.” She replied simply.

When she still didn’t look at me, I laid my head back against the seat and gave up, letting the silence rule the rest of the drive. Maybe she wouldn’t want to talk to me later after all, and we could just forget our argument from earlier.

But when we got to our room, I dropped my wallet and coat on the table and turned to her. She leaned against the counter and ran her hands through her hair. I frowned. “You do look tired. Maybe you should get some sleep?”

She looked at me and set her hand on her hip, staring daggers at me already. “Um. No.”

As much as I wanted to, I didn’t look away. I stared at her quietly, waiting for her explosion. Maybe she’d tell me just how stressed she was to be away from me so often. Maybe she’d accuse me of keeping secrets about Jane again. Maybe she thought I was cheating. Maybe she was developing real feelings for Theo. I wasn’t sure, but I braced myself for whatever was to come.

“Aidan…” She said quietly. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head slowly. “I promise you, nothing is going on.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Her voice was tight and afraid, and it stung.

We were so far off-course, I’d lost count of how many wrong turns we’d taken. I sighed as I stared at her for a few seconds. “I’m a little irritated, and a little guilty. But not for the reasons you probably think.”

She furrowed her brow. “What do you think I think?”

I shrugged self-deprecatingly. “Who knows. With the life I lead and the way I’ve treated you…you probably think the worst.”

She stared at me in awe. “What? You think that I think you’re…” She paused. “…cheating on me?”

It hurt even more to hear the prospect come from her lips. I sighed. “I have no idea what’s on your mind right now.”

She crossed her arms. “Well, yeah, because you won’t talk to me.” She paused. “You really think I would think that?”

I looked at her with tired eyes.

Her expression narrowed. “ _Are_ you cheating on me?”

I grimaced. “Of course not.”

She let out a long breath and then tensed her jaw. “Well, I can assure you that, until this moment, I was NOT worried that you were. But the fact that you were worried that I might have that thought that… is not a good thing, Aidan.”

I didn’t respond. At least her opinion of me hadn’t dropped off _that_ far yet to assume I’d been unfaithful. But she was surely getting there.

Colette took a step forward. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because I can’t bear it.” I squeezed my eyes shut.

She didn’t respond for a moment, and I eventually opened my eyes again.

She was staring at me with complete bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

I flinched at the tension in the room, and I gestured around it. “You don’t really want all this, Colette.”

“What are you even talking about?” She replied with a furrowed brow.

I sighed and shifted my weight, settling in to explain. “Of course, there’s no way out for you now. I know that well. So, you can say what you will. We have a daughter coming, and you’d never dream of separating her from me.” I paused. “But if she had never happened, you’d probably be weighing your options a bit more heavily right now.”

She blinked at me, and I saw surprise in her eyes. She wasn’t expecting me to suggest such things. “Aidan, what…? Why would you think that? Do _you_ want out?”

Her response told me that she truly hadn’t considered what I’d said before now, so I relaxed a bit. “Never. Colette, I never want to let you go. But I’d step back if I knew that’s what you really wanted.”

She walked towards me again. “Aidan, why would I ever want that?”

I lowered my eyes and shook my head again. “Ten months ago, we sat on the beach, dreaming of our futures, before we ever envisioned one together. And you told me of your plans for a simple life – hopes of a quaint home in the mountains of Colorado, with a quiet garden, a loving husband, and 2.5 children.” I looked up at her. “This is not that.”

Her eyes grew sentimental as she remembered those conversations we’d shared. “But… we can still have that.”

I frowned, sympathizing with her innocence. “No, we can’t. Not in the way you’ve dreamed. You know that. Even if I dropped acting, right here and now,” I pointed at the ground. “You know that the drama would still follow us. It’s with us forever now. And even then, I’d eventually be itching to get back to it, and then both of us would be miserable.”

“I don’t want you to stop pursuing your passion.” Her voice was so small. “I never said that.”

“I know you didn’t. But a quiet life and my career can never coexist.” I blinked sadly.

She nodded quietly and looked down at her hands. She was seeing the truth now. As disappointing as it was, I was glad she was finally realizing her reality.

I took a deep breath. “So, I can’t give you what you need.” I concluded my thought and waited for her inevitable agreement.

But she looked up at me again and blinked. “Do you even know what I really need?”

I sighed, wishing she’d be honest. “Look, I saw you. I saw you crying the other night. Those nasty women that air their grievances online are sickening. You don’t deserve any of that.”

“Really, it’s fine…” She began.

I clenched my fists. I was so tired of watching her pretend like she wasn’t suffering too. I was so tired of seeing the truth when she thought I wasn’t looking. I was so tired of feeling alone. “NO. Colette. It’s NOT fine. Stop fecking telling me everything is fine. This is not a normal life, and it’s not what you wanted. Stop hiding your emotions from me. Be bloody real with me for a minute.”

She stepped towards me with a glare. “ _You_ be real with me! My God, you won’t even talk to me anymore.”

“Are we not talking right now?” I raised my voice, throwing my hands in the air.

“We sure as hell are talking right now. But this is for the first time in WEEKS. Seriously, Aidan, I’ve been miserable.”

“Yeah, and if you weren’t stuck with me in this messed up life I’d brought you into, then you wouldn’t be so miserable.” I shook my head.

Her anger escaped to her limbs as she spun around with her hands on her head. “Stuck with you? I’m not stuck anywhere. I make my own choices, Aidan. And you literally have NO IDEA what you’re talking about! Do you even know what’s making me miserable right now?” She stared pointedly at me. “YOU. You are making me miserable. Not the lifestyle that comes with your career, not the anonymous bullies on the internet, YOU.”

She was right. It was all my fault. I clenched my jaw. “I still regret to this day that I responded to Jane’s texts in Cannes and then got stupid drunk and scared the shit out of you. And I don’t blame you for clinging to Theo when the stress of it all got to be too much.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, but when she did, the words came out cold. “There is nothing going on between Theo and I.”

I frowned, thinking about the way they smiled at each other. “He’s got a thing for you. You know that, right?”

“So, what?” She threw her hands up in frustration. “I’m not interested in him. We were just friends. And why didn’t you bring up these worries earlier? I would have stopped spending time with him immediately if I’d known you were uncomfortable with it.”

“You deserved a chance to see what a normal relationship might look like.” I responded sadly.

Her jaw dropped. “So you just…you just let me get close to him, so that you could get angry with me?” Her voice grew bitter. “You set me in a TRAP, Aidan. That is cruel. What was I supposed to do?”

“He can give you a lot more security than I can offer. You needed to see that.”

She stepped closer again, now less than a meter away. “Stop it.” She breathed heavily. “Stop being so self-deprecating. It doesn’t suit you well at all.”

I set my jaw. “Then stop pretending like everything is _fine_ all the time. All I can do is expect you’re thinking the worst. Your lies don’t suit you.”

“My lies?” She stepped back, offended.

“YEP.” I spat. “Jane has pretty much singlehandedly ruined your reputation, and you continue to pretend like none of it has affected you.”

She groaned. “I couldn’t care less about my public reputation. My family and friends know who I am. That’s all that matters.”

I glared at her. I still didn’t believe her. Not after the way she stared at her phone, dissecting the negative comments written about her. Not after the tears she’d shed when she thought I wasn’t looking.

Colette stared at me for a moment, like she was on the brink of a full-blown outburst. Her chest rose and fell heavily.

“Fine.” She admitted. “You’re right. It does hurt. But not nearly as bad as the hurt you’ve caused me.”

It was painful to hear her words, and my glare turned into sorrow. “If it weren’t for Jane…”

But she interrupted me, stepping forward once more, this time pressing her hands into my chest and shoving me slightly. “STOP IT. This is NOT Jane’s fault anymore.”

I stumbled backwards, wide-eyed and shocked by the physical route her anger had taken.

She pulled her hands away quickly and clenched them to her own chest apologetically. Tears formed in her eyes. “Do you even realize what you’ve done? You’ve taken her damage…the damage she’s caused, and you’ve carried it through to your own actions. You’re stringing the pain along, even when it isn’t there anymore. Jane is long gone, and you’re still acting like she’s the problem, and walking on pins and needles around me, or ignoring me…like you think I’ll magically walk away and release you from your guilt.”

I looked at the ground silently. I didn’t want any of this. I just wanted to love her…to be in love, just like we were on our island. We’d been so perfect there.

“Do you _want_ me to walk away?” She asked through heavy breaths.

I lifted my eyes to hers. “No.”

“Then why? Why Aidan? Why are you pushing me away?”

My shoulders fell and I sighed loudly. “Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

She was silent for a moment. The only movement in the room was that of her chest, still rising and falling with frustration. And then she spoke. “Do you realize that the majority of the hurt you’ve caused me has been the result of your trying NOT to hurt me?”

I swallowed as I watched the pain in her eyes. Had I really, possibly made this even worse than I’d thought? I’d just wanted to let her explore her own feelings and accept the reality of Jane’s damage. I just wanted her to understand her own freedom and to be honest with me about it. But maybe in doing so, I’d given her too much of a reason to become angry with _me_.

Colette shook her head. “Don’t walk away when things get tough, Aidan. Don’t go quiet when you’re worried that I’ve been hurt by some part of your unique lifestyle, and assume I hate it.” She paused and stepped towards me more gently this time. “What has happened? How did we get here? Don’t you know me at all? I need you to hold me close. Hold on tight, and never let go.”

A deeper sense of guilt washed over me, this time because I knew that I’d actually had control over the decisions I’d made to get us to this point. She’d needed me. I’d failed her.

Colette’s expression softened and she looked up into my eyes, stepping closer still. “The solution to this is not that I should get out of your life and find happiness elsewhere. My happiness is here, with you. But I need you to stand next to me, and protect me, and encourage me. I struggle sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I want out. I just means I need you on my side, pulling me even closer.” She paused. “I want you. I want this life. I want everything that comes with it, the good and the bad.”

Her eyes were at my chest. We were just centimeters apart when she whispered. “Please, don’t assume to know what’s going on in my mind. Remember, I tried that once with you, and it got us nowhere. I finally came to trust you. Now you need to do the same for me.”

She rested her forehead against my chest gently, and something inside me softened. Just the small touch, the gentle display of physical intimacy made me realize again how precious she was to me. I lifted my hands and traced them up and down her back slowly. The tension in the room began to lift. My breathing slowed. But as much as I knew I’d messed up, I still wanted her to stop concealing her feelings from me. I still needed something from her too.

I took a breath. “Then I need you to be honest with me. Don’t hold back your emotions, good or bad. I hate to have to guess what you’re thinking, have you tell me you’re fine, and then find you crying by yourself the next day. And I can’t struggle alone when you’re pretending to be fine. It hurts me too, Colette.” I paused. “Just be honest.”

She was silent. We stood like that for what felt like multiple minutes, just the two of us, locked in on each other, each traversing the challenges of our own minds. It was peaceful, and I hoped that my words had made it through to her, like hers had made it to me.

Finally, Colette sighed. “I know why Jane hasn’t been bothering us anymore.”

My hands froze on her back. “Why?”

She took a deep breath. “I went to talk to her.”

My heart stopped. It was the last thing I’d expected to hear from her. I grasped her shoulders firmly and held her away from me. “You _what_?”

She swallowed nervously, but stood tall and confident. “I found her at that club downtown, Perch, and I confronted her in the bathroom. Lainey was there with me. I told Jane to stop. I told her to stop hurting you, to stop hurting us, to stop hurting our daughter.”

My grip on her shoulders tightened, and I felt the rage grow within me. She’d gone behind my back? She’d confronted Jane? Was she insane? She could have made things SO much worse.

I wanted to shake some sense into her. I wanted her to know how stupid she’d been, but I dropped my hands quickly and focused my anger into my expression.

“COLETTE.” I bellowed. “Do you have ANY idea the amount of trouble you could have caused? When did you do this?”

“The night you left for Bristol.” She replied firmly, standing her ground. “Things are under control now. It worked.”

“You could have completely ruined EVERYTHING.” I shook my head and clenched my fists.

“But I DIDN’T? DID I?” She hissed. “I fixed the problem you walked away from.”

I blinked back at her and set my jaw, not understanding. “What I walked away from?”

“YES. You wouldn’t deal with her, so I took it into my own hands.”

She was unbelievable. I let out a long huff of air. “I TRIED to deal with it, but you got all bloody jealous and upset when I tried to make plans with her.”

She glared at me. “Because you were trying to do it in SECRET!”

My blood boiled at her accusation, and I couldn’t stop myself from taking a step towards her again. “And who finally met with her in secret anyway? Huh? YOU, COLETTE. YOU LIED TO ME. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS BEHIND MY BACK. DO YOU REALIZE HOW GUILTY I’VE FELT SINCE I LIED TO YOU IN CANNES?”

She looked like she was going to shove me again, but she kept her hands at her sides and stepped towards me with intimidation. “BUT I FIXED IT, DIDN’T I?” She gritted her teeth. “YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER LET ME DO IT IF I ASKED YOU, AND IF I DIDN’T DO SOMETHING SOON, YOU WERE GOING TO LET HER TEAR YOU APART.”

“THIS WAS NOT WORTH THE RISK.”

“YES, IT WAS. I’M STRONGER THAN YOU THINK, AIDAN. I CAN HANDLE MYSELF.”

I clenched my teeth so hard that it almost hurt. I knew she was right. Even if she hid her emotions from me, I knew she was handling Jane better than I was, and I hated that truth. I hated that she wasn’t struggling as badly as I was. I breathed heavily as I watched her. “YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING, YOU KNOW THAT?”

“YEAH, YOU’RE NOT SO EASY TO LIVE WITH, YOURSELF.” She crossed her arms firmly.

I continued to glare at her. I was so angry with her, but I hadn’t given her enough credit. She’d gone and stood up to Jane, and it had worked. I hadn’t heard from Jane in weeks. Radio silence. It was unlike her, but now it made sense. She’d done it. Colette had really done it.

“YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE.” I said firmly.

“I GOT IT DONE. SHE’S GONE NOW. CAN YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT AND BE HAPPY?” She let out a long, forced breath.

I squeezed my eyes shut, actually feeling my anger soften. My love for her, and my gratitude for her stupid decision to confront Jane competed with my intense rage. “I’ve never been so FRUSTRATED with someone I cared so much about all at the SAME TIME.”

But her voice was still elevated just the same. “MAYBE YOU SHOULD TREAT SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT WITH A LITTLE MORE AFFECTION ONCE IN A WHILE.”

_I’d_ hurt her. Not Jane. Not the media. _Me_. I studied her for a moment, feeling an overwhelming regret for my own actions, but I couldn’t help but raise my voice again, this time out of anger for myself. “WELL, MAYBE I LOVE YOU, AND I COULDN’T BEAR TO LOOK AT YOU AFTER THE PAIN I’VE CAUSED.”

She let out a long, agitated breath. “WELL, MAYBE I LOVE YOU TOO, AND I COULDN’T BEAR TO SEE YOUR GUILT ANYMORE.” She watched me for a long moment. “YOU WERE FIXING IT WRONG, AIDAN.”

Mere inches apart, we stared at each other, chests rising and falling. I finally understood what I’d done. I’d failed to show her how much I needed her. And she was finally being honest. She’d failed to support me when I struggled. I was seeing her more clearly than I’d ever seen her before, and I could see the realization in her eyes too.

She blinked up at me, and I felt the tension in the room change. It was once anger, but now something else took its place. We were really looking at each other. We actually _understood_.

Her expression pleaded with me. There was a look of desperation in her eyes. “Fix it right…”

That was all it took. That was all it took for me to close the distance between us, both the few inches, and also the expansive chasm that had kept us apart for so many weeks. I crashed my lips down onto hers with an aching need, and I vowed to myself in that moment to never again let her question how deeply and truly she would always have my heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got kind of long, but I'm sure none of you minded too much 😉  
> There is ONE more chapter left! BUT, if you're following along with the "12 Days of Brace For Impact," you know that only gets us to #11, so stay tuned for a day #12 surprise 😁


	11. Always

The soft white clouds looked like an endless bed of cotton beneath the plane as it made its way towards LA. I smiled out the window as Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Everywhere’ played through my earbuds. I couldn’t wait to see Colette again. It was like an aching deep inside me that remained as long as we were apart. It was an empty place that only she could fill. And now, there was another tiny empty spot next to it too. It was one that only Raina could fill. And soon, she would.

In just close to an hour, I’d finally be _home_. I’d finally get to spend more than a few weeks with Colette. Ahead of us were _months_ of togetherness. The words of the song playing in my ears fit so clearly. _Oh I, I want to be with you everywhere._

I grinned again and looked at my phone, which was in airplane mode. It was 7am. I wished I could text her, but the plane would begin our descent soon. And I hoped she was still be sleeping when I landed anyway, peacefully riding out the last week of her pregnancy.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned away from the window to see a female flight attendant leaned in towards my seat, trying to get my attention.

I pulled an earbud from my ear. “Yes?”

“Um, uh…Mr. Turner…” She cleared her throat. “We’ve just received a call from the ground that your…um, your girlfriend…she’s in labor.”

My heart stopped. I sat up straight in my seat and turned fully towards her. “ _What?”_

She nodded and smiled hesitantly.

“Oh my God.” I whispered, looking out the window and then back at her in a panic. “Is she ok? Are we landing soon? What did she say?”

I suddenly had visions of Colette, writhing in pain, alone and terrified because I wasn’t there. It was her worst nightmare. It was mine too.

The flight attendant squatted down next to me. “I don’t have a lot of details, except that she _is_ in labor at the hospital, and her father, Mr. Matthews, will be at the airport to pick you up immediately. We’re going to let you off the plane first, and the airline will hold your bags until you can come back and claim them.”

I stared at her with wide eyes as I breathed heavily. My seatbelt suddenly felt increasingly restricting as I looked out the window again, hoping to see the clouds disperse and land growing closer.

“We’re about to make our descent.” The attendant consoled me gently. “About 30 minutes until we land.”

I gulped and nodded at her. “Thank you.”

She smiled. “I’ll come dismiss you before the rest of the plane.” And then she stood up and left me alone.

I tapped my foot on the ground as I looked around and then out the window, yet again. She was _early_. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I grasped my phone tightly in my hand, wishing I could call her. I wanted to let her know I was on my way. I was almost there.

But I was beginning to sweat. I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head. I’d been terrified of the prospect of not making it in time, not being there for the birth of my daughter. But when I got on the plane today, my nerves had relaxed. I knew I was finally on my way. But now, they skyrocketed again. I needed to be there for Colette. She’d literally had nightmares of being alone for the birth. I couldn’t let those become a reality.

The next 20 minutes passed like 20 years. I had my hand on my seatbelt buckle almost the whole time, ready to release it and jump into action as soon as we landed. My heart was racing, and I couldn’t stop fidgeting. The interior of the plane felt like it was constricting around me, preventing my escape and holding me inside. A year ago, I’d urgently wanted off that crashed plane that bobbed in the ocean, but today, the desperation to escape almost felt even more severe.

When the wheels finally touched down, and we pulled up to the gate, I stood up quickly. The flight attendant met me at my seat and handed me my bag from the overhead compartment. “Follow me.” She smiled.

I was at her heels all the way up the aisle, until she unlatched the door and opened it up to the jet bridge.

“Mr. Matthews is parked just outside baggage claim.” She smiled as I passed her.

“Thank you so much.” I gave her a sincere expression of gratitude before practically sprinting down the jet bridge and through the airport. I passed by the directional signage quickly, having been through the LA airport many times, I knew how to find my way out.

Colette’s father was outside, just as promised, leaned against his car waiting for me. When he saw me, he smiled and rushed back around to the driver’s side to get in.

“How is she?” I asked, out of breath as I sat down next to him.

“She’s progressing quickly, but she still has some time.” He replied, starting the engine.

“She’s a whole week early. What are the doctors saying?” I watched the traffic as we pulled out, and I glared at each car that didn’t move as quickly as I would have preferred.

“She’s perfectly fine. They aren’t worried.” He smiled. But I could tell that he was nervous too. He gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. “We’re less than 10 minutes to the hospital.” He informed.

I began to tap my foot again. It was quickly becoming a habit as the minutes wore on and my nerves wore thin. The familiar yet foreign buildings of LA flew by quickly as her father weaved through traffic, trying to make the best time.

“Who’s with her?” I asked.

“Her mother is there. She’s constantly asking about you though.”

I frowned and ran my hand through my hair again. I took a deep breath. “Does she know I’m on my way?”

“Yes, she knows you’ve landed.”

I sighed and looked back out the window. Her father placed his hand on my arm reassuringly. “She’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna make it.”

A few moments later, we pulled into the hospital and he dropped me off at the door. I rushed to the counter, where an elderly nurse with greying, curly hair smiled at me. “Yes, Sir? May I help you?”

I placed my hands on the counter, breathing heavily. “I’m here to see Colette Matthews. She’s in labor now.”

“Ah, ok, let’s see.” She put on her glasses and pulled out a folder, looking through the files at a painfully slow pace.

I looked around at the other nurses and doctors walking by. Everyone was calm. Everyone was slow. I was about to explode.

“Ah, yes.” She smiled, finally pulling a file. “I have her information here. And your relation?” She looked up at me over her glasses.

“Father of the child.” I responded quickly.

She wrote something down. “And to Ms. Matthews?”

Was it not obvious? I began to tap my foot again. “I’m her boyfriend. Father of her child. Can I see her please?”

She nodded and wrote some more. “Wonderful, thank you. And your name?”

I let out a restless breath. “Aidan Turner.”

“Perfect.” She smiled. “Please sign here.” She handed me a sign-in sheet and a pen.

After I signed it quickly and passed it back to her, she pressed a button that opened a door to one of the hallways. “Take the first left. She’s in room 322.” She gestured towards the door.

“Thank you.” I tapped the counter and rushed past her.

I ran down the hallway as fast as I could without making an obvious scene. Room numbers flew past. 316, 318, 320. And there it was. 322. I came sliding to a stop and looked through the doorway.

Colette was there, in a hospital gown and leaned over a large exercise ball in her hospital bed, rocking back and forth slowly with her mother at her side.

In an instant, her tired, anxious eyes met mine, and then she collapsed her forehead into the ball in relief. “Oh my God…you’re here…”

I promptly made my way to her side and dropped down next to her on the bed, touching her back and her hair and comforting her in the only ways I knew I could.

“Colette…Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m here, love…I’m here.” I leaned in and kissed her soft cheek.

She moaned with her face still out of sight, pressed into the ball, like she couldn’t verbally respond, but she reached her hand out blindly in my direction, fingers shaking and flexed wide open. I grasped it and intertwined my fingers with hers, holding on tightly as the waves of relief washed over me.

I’d made it.

_We’d_ made it.

***

She was tiny. So tiny, and pink, and new, and _ours_.

Raina’s cries erupted into the room as she laid on Colette’s chest. Her little mouth was wide open, and her eyes were squeezed shut as she took her first breaths.

The tears formed in my eyes before I could even comprehend how deeply and profoundly I loved her. She was perfect, but the word didn’t even do her justice. She was beautiful, and she was here, and she was _ours_.

An incredible urge to protect her overcame me as I reached towards her. Her little cries came loudly as I made an attempt to comfort her. Immediately, her little tiny fist grasped onto my finger and gripped it tightly. And then I knew. I knew I would be hers, _always_.

I lifted my eyes to Colette. “She’s perfect.” I breathed, and then I leaned in and kissed her forehead, squeezing my eyes shut and memorizing the moment. “You were amazing, Colette. Absolutely amazing.”

I kissed her exhausted, spent, _perfect_ lips, and I smiled at her, the mother of my child.

She beamed back at me and whispered. “I love you so much.”

“I love you…” I tried to choke back the tears, but failed. A single one dropped gently down my cheek.

***

I padded silently across the bedroom floor of our hotel in Tahiti to check on Raina in her crib. When I peered in, she laid silently, sound asleep in the dim morning light.

I gently touched her hair, which was just starting to show a bit of curl. Her lips twitched as she dreamed, and I smiled at her innocence. I wanted to hold her close to me, and never let her go, but today was meant for something else very special, and so I turned to leave her be.

Colette was still asleep too. She was sprawled out on our bed, breathing evenly. I climbed in beside her and propped myself against the headboard. I wanted to reach out and touch her hair too, but I didn’t want to wake her. Not yet.

So I pulled a magazine from my nightstand and began to read about the island quietly. On the inside though, my heart beat fast.

It didn’t take long. The sun shone brightly this morning, and soon, Colette was stirring and stretching, rolling over to look at me.

I smiled and set my magazine aside. “Good morning, love.”

She rubbed her eyes and sat up, scooting in next to me and kissing me gently. “Good morning.” She sighed, and then she looked over at Raina’s crib.

“She’s still asleep.” I assured her.

She rested her head back and closed her eyes. “I’m so glad we have the whole week ahead of us. What will we do first this morning? A walk on the beach?”

I beamed at her silently. I could hardly wait to tell her. When she finally opened her eyes and looked at me again, I grinned. “A walk on the beach is exactly what we’re going to do. But not this beach.”

She raised her brows in confusion. “Which beach then?”

I bit my lip, trying to hold in the news just a bit longer, because I loved to see her when she was eager and curious. She had no idea. But I couldn’t hold it in very long. I broke into a full smile. “Our beach.”

She stared at me for a moment in silence, like I’d spoken another language. And then she opened her mouth. At first, no words came out. And then her eyes widened. “Our beach? As in… _our_ beach?”

“ _Our_ beach.” I confirmed, feeling an immense joy consume me.

She blinked at me, and then I saw her breathing pick up pace and a shocked smile form on her face. “Wait… Are you serious?”

I couldn’t stand not to touch her any longer. I reached out and took her hand. “We’re going to Tikei today.”

Her fingers were shaking, and she opened her mouth again, but then she closed it and just stared at me in awe. Her eyes began to sparkle with the tears that formed in their corners, and then she lifted her hand to her mouth and began to laugh.

It was the kind of laughter that comes when you’re so overcome by an emotion that your body doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Her giggles almost came as sobs. She was so beautiful, and in that moment, my love for her grew even more.

“You…I can’t believe…we? Oh my…” She stuttered over her words as a tear ran down her cheek.

I’d never seen her happier, and I immediately knew that all of the planning and time I’d taken to make this trip happen were more than worth it. Her joy was the best prize.

I laughed and took her other hand in mine and held them both on my lap. “I told myself the moment we stepped off that island, that I’d bring you back someday. I know how much it means to you. And it means the world to me too.”

She sniffled and took a deep breath, trying to calm her emotions. I wiped a tear from her cheek and watched her with admiration.

“Aidan…” She whispered, gazing at me. “I have no words. I just…I can’t even…”

I chuckled at her reaction and squeezed her hands, asking the silliest question I could come up with. “So, you’re good with that plan then?”

***

The tiny little box was extraordinarily heavy in my pocket. I checked that it was still there about twelve times while we sat by the fire on _our_ beach, once again.

Colette leaned back on her hands and stared out at the sea, which was becoming pink and purple with the setting sun. Her long hair was tousled by the wind, and salty from the swim we’d had in the ocean earlier. She was gorgeous. She was the same Colette who I’d fallen in love with over a year ago, but now, she was even stronger in my eyes, having stood up for me, having accepted me with _all_ of my flaws, having birthed our child, and having become the most gentle and nurturing mother to our Raina.

I loved the way she looked in this light. The memories of our time here flooded back as I admired her. We chatted for a while, enjoying the peace, before I looked out at the sunset. “To think that the sun has been rising and setting here every single day without us since we’ve been gone.”

She looked in the same direction and smiled. But then she laughed lightly. “Do you think the island is as excited to see us as we are to see it?”

I smirked. “I think so, yes, probably. We were pretty good residents.”

She giggled. In this instant, she was so innocent and full of joy. I was bursting with it myself. We locked eyes for a moment until I held out my hand to her. “Would you like to dance?”

Her smile grew. “I never thought you’d ask…”

So I pulled her to her feet and she stepped into me, laying her head on my shoulder.

I checked my pocket once again, and a surge of butterflies coursed through my stomach at the feel of the small square. I held her close to me, with my hand at her back, and we swayed to the sound of the ocean; the first song we’d ever danced to.

I closed my eyes and smiled, pressing my lips to the top of her head. She was it. She was the one. I’d never been more sure of anything in my life.

My heartbeat picked up pace as I realized the time had come. I spoke gently into her hair. “My life has changed so much since the day I met you, Colette. And not just because of the crash, or this island, but because of your remarkable personality, your love, and your tenderness. You’re perfect for me in a way that I never knew I needed.”

She was silent as she held onto me.

“I’m a better man because of you. I never knew what it truly meant to love someone, until I came to love you.” I tried to breathe evenly. I’d practiced the words in my mind all morning, fearing I’d forget them, but now they came so easily and truthfully. “When I saved your life, I had no idea that you’d save mine too…and that you’d give me even more of a reason to fight to live, because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, or leaving you alone.” I traced my hand up and down her back gently. “And then when we’d returned home, after leaving this place, I fell in love with you even more, through the perfect days, and through the tough ones.” I paused. “Now, you’ve carried our child and given me the most beautiful daughter. She’s so perfect, Colette. So perfect.”

She’d grown still in my arms, but I could tell she was listening closely.

“Each day…” I continued. “…both on and off this island, has been an adventure, and each moment an integral part of our story that I never…never want to end.”

I took a deep breath and pulled away from her, and the expression on her face told me everything. She gazed up at me with sweet shock and joy, quietly waiting for me to continue.

My heart was racing. I held her hand in mine and smiled gently at her. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Colette. You’re so compassionate, so kind, so strong, so beautiful… You’ve shown me true love, every single day.” I swallowed nervously. “And I want to be there to support you, and uplift you, and love you, every single day…for the rest of our lives.”

And then I reached into my pocket, for the ring I knew was there, and I knelt down in the sand in front of her.

It was exactly as I’d imagined, on our island, in the place where we’d started our story. And it was just the two of us, alone and surrounded by the sounds and the sights and the smells that we missed more than anything.

I opened the box and looked up into her gorgeous eyes. “Colette,” I spoke gently and smiled. “Will you marry me?”

A single tear escaped her eye and she sucked in a sharp, elated breath. “Yes…a hundred-thousand times yes…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters from Aidan's perspective have been so fun! They've sure been a challenge, trying to get inside his mind and figure out why he's done the silly things he's done, but I've really enjoyed showing you all some of the extra moments and thoughts he's experienced throughout the story. ❤️
> 
> Stay tuned, because there is one more surprise coming tomorrow 😉


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